4 Lessons I've learned as I walk the path of my Soul's deepest longings

Over the past couple of years I have found myself riding the wave of a big life decision. Should I choose this or should I choose that? Do I want to take the well trodden path or forge my own path? Do I want to prioritize safety and security or do I want to venture into the wild unknown of my Soul’s deepest longing? Is this a sign from the Universe that I’m supposed to choose this or is that a sign that I’m supposed to choose that.

At times, I feel like I can pull my hair out flip flopping from one direction to the other. Big life decisions are so daunting. We want to make the “right” decision. We fear that to choose one, we must not choose the other. It can be easy (at least for me) to feel like I am swirling in chaos trying to grasp for any sense of clarity and control.

Sound familiar to you or is it just me? 🙂
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This process is so humbling. It has required me to surrender. And, when I feel like I have surrendered, then I am called to surrender even more. It has shown me the need to really examine my beliefs and ideas about life and myself. What do I believe to be true about life? What do I believe to be true about myself and my own capabilities? Why am I taking it all so seriously? Where am I limiting myself and trying to control?

This is the work and I wanted to share with you 4 things I have come to understand even more deeply through this process.

First, It’s so easy to get caught up in an either/or mentality. If I choose this then I can’t have that. It creates this false feeling of limitation. It’s one or the other, which makes choosing so much more stressful. The other day I woke up and remembered “both/and.” I get to live a “both/and” life. It’s not one or the other, it gets to be both. What had felt like an incredibly stressful choice to make became no choice at all. It gets to be both. This is such a liberating realization. I don’t have to sacrifice one to have the other, I get to create something new by combining both desires into something unique and perfect for me. The stress melted away and I began to feel something new… excitement!

Second, there are no wrong choices. We put so much pressure on making the “right” choice, of not wanting to regret our choices. But, the truth is there aren’t really any wrong choices. They are all part of our journey of expansion and awakening. They are all opportunities to grow and learn and to choose again, if necessary. What if we could give ourselves a little grace and add a little playfulness to it? We don’t have to take life so seriously. One decision doesn’t have to trap us for the rest of our lives. We can always pivot. We always get to learn what worked, what didn’t work, what we liked, what we didn’t, and make a new choice. Or maybe it will be the very best choice and things will work out grandly! Doesn’t really matter. No need for all the pressure.

Third, one of the scariest places to settle in is the Void. The great unknown, the nothingness, the womb of the divine mother. It’s terrifying! It’s also the space of infinite potential and possibility. It takes tremendous courage to not be lured back into the safety and security of the familiar. It takes faith to trust that the path will become clear to you in perfect, divine timing. It takes bravery to stay true to the inklings of your Soul’s desire even when it’s not clear, especially when it takes you off the beaten path. But, remember… both/and. You can have both safety and walk the path of the wild unknown. You can choose something that helps you feel secure while working towards a deeper desire that feels risky. And, even as I hold both, there have been so many times that I have not felt strong enough to rest in the Void or to forge my own path. To be honest, it is something I work with everyday. But, my last point below is what keeps me going.

Fourth, your tribe is everything! I truly do not think I would be continuing to forge my own path if I did not have the amazing humans in my life that cheer me on and help me remember who I really am and what I am capable of. They remind me when I am feeling scared, that it’s all good, that no matter what I am going to be okay. They remind me to lean into Spirit to guide me, to surrender to the love and support that is always all around me. They have patience with me when I flip flop around and don’t know what the heck I’m doing. They give me pep talks when I forget why I have chosen to live a life outside the status quo and they encourage me when I am on fire and full of inspiration. Our people are everything and when we are forging our own unique path it is essential to have a tribe that gets you, encourages you, and lifts you up!

Bottom line, when we are making a big life decision or attempting to forge our own path, it takes courage! Remember you can choose “both/and” instead of “either/or.” Remember there’s no need to stress too much on making the right choice because it’s all information and feedback. And lastly, build your tribe, your tribe is EVERYTHING!

Whether you are in this phase of life right now or not, I hope these words will find you when they are most needed. And, I hope you know that I am here to be part of your tribe and we get to walk this path together- encouraging one another, holding one another, reminding one another who we really are and what we are capable of!

With so much love and blessing!

​TWO EXCITING UPDATES:

I am hosting a Women’s Sacred Circle this month. This monthly women's gathering is a sacred and ceremonial space where we get to explore the awakening of our divine feminine energy and our Soul's highest potential. This is a safe, soul-led and heart-guided circle in which all parts of you are welcome. In sisterhood we heal. In sisterhood we remember. In sisterhood we rise. In sisterhood we are celebrated. This is your soul sanctuary, a place of belonging, compassion, and love.

Join us in March to transmute fear into freedom. We will uncover and tend to the parts that are feeling small and fearful and with love transmute them into Divine creative energy as we blossom open to greater truths of deepest longings and desire. Check out the QR code to get tickets.

The Spiritual Nerds Podcast is up and available! You can find it wherever you listen to your podcasts. It's our intention to have honest, vulnerable conversations about life, the path of awakening, and all things spirituality. We hope to become part of your tribe as we all walk this path together and support each other's spiritual growth and expansion.

This "Spiritual" Message is Causing Harm. Here's the truth...

I want to talk today about a spiritual message that I think creates a lot of shame.  It’s this idea that we create our reality. I’ve heard over and over again in the spiritual community that “Everything we experience is our own creation. Our thoughts create our reality.” There is some truth in here, but I think a lot more harm is done with this blanket statement.

It is misunderstood when the idea of “You create your reality” leads to the belief that we are responsible for everything we experience.  Our thoughts, our energy, our vibration is responsible for every single thing we “attract” into our lives? No!  That is just not true and creates a lot of unnecessary worry, shame, and fear.  We have to stop blaming people for the terrible things they have experienced.  You didn’t create the molestation you experienced.  You didn’t create the abuse or neglect.  You didn’t create the rape.  I didn’t create the fact that my son died 5 minutes before he took his first breath on this earth.

I do believe that our Soul, that part of us that is eternal and divine, did come into this life wanting to experience certain things for its own evolution and expansion.  The Divine within us wants to experience all of what it means to be human- to grow, learn, and play here on earth. So in a true spiritual sense some of the hardest things we experience are in service of the greatest evolution and expansion of our Soul.  Everything can be in service to the evolution of our Soul AND being human also means we are just going to experience hard things. Really hard things.  It’s not your fault!  The law of attraction world does a lot of harm when people feel blamed and shamed for the terrible things they have experienced. This idea of “we create our reality” gets distorted when the message becomes: your energy is what’s wrong, your thoughts are what’s wrong. It’s your fault that terrible thing happened. You attracted it.  No!!

We do 100% impact our human experience through our thoughts, beliefs, and energy.  If we believe that we never get what we want because we aren’t smart, aren’t beautiful, aren’t worthy, aren’t good enough then we will bring in experiences that match and affirm our belief system.  We will disregard the experiences that don’t.  That’s just science.  That’s called confirmation bias, your brain literally looks for evidence to support the beliefs you already hold.  

Our beliefs matter, they greatly impact how we experience ourselves, our lives, the world.  But, where the important distinction lies is that the really bad things that have happened to you are not your fault! You didn’t believe into existence your father’s suicide, your partner’s infidelity, the abuse your received as a child.  

What it does mean is that you do have a responsibility to look at your thoughts, your beliefs, your patterns, your habits if you want your life to change.  If you aren’t happy with life as it is in this moment, if you want to feel happier, healthier, more confident, authentic, if you want to experience yourself and your life differently then it’s foundational to look at those things and see how they impact your experience of life.

But, that’s so different from shaming people for the terrible things that have happened to them.  Do you see that?  I didn’t create the death of my son because I had fear during pregnancy. I didn’t create the death of my son because of any negative thought or belief I had.  That was just a terrible tragedy.  Tragedy and pain is a part of life. Period!

I do believe (a process of 13 years since his death) that there are soul lessons that I have received from this painful experience. For example, I have a deeper understanding of grief that allows me to hold space for others and my level of compassion for human suffering grew exponentially.

I didn’t create his death. However, I am responsible with how I choose to move forward. How I choose to integrate that experience into my perception of life.  Do I take that experience and allow it to affirm that life is scary, that living is too painful, that I am a terrible mother who couldn’t protect her own baby. If I held onto those beliefs and thoughts as my truth they would greatly influence how I experienced life moving forward.  

I felt all of those thoughts deeply, but I chose not to stay there, not to make those beliefs the filter in which I perceived my reality. 

You see, that’s where our responsibility for our creation of life comes into play.  Not in the terrible things that happen, but in our choice of how we make meaning of those things.

I chose to do the work to forgive myself, to forgive the people involved in that experience.  I could have chosen to blame others (I had a whole list of people to target), or myself which would have fueled resentment, hate, blame, and shame.  My reality would then have been filtered through those energies.

Instead I chose to take the tragedy and advocate to change protocol in that hospital for parents who experience loss.  I chose to share my story and connect with other women so we all felt less alone.  It broke me and my husband wide open and I chose to see the gift in our deeper level of emotional intimacy and bonding.  I chose to get pregnant again even though it was terrifying.  I chose gratitude and love for even the short amount of time I got to experience my son’s life inside of me.

It‘s in our choice of how we make meaning that impacts the creation of our reality.  That is such a huge difference that doesn’t blame and shame victims for the terrible things that happened to them.  It shifts the focus to what one chooses to do with these experiences.  You do greatly impact your reality through your thoughts, perceptions, beliefs, etc, but that doesn’t make you solely responsible for everything that you experience.

If you have ever felt shame or blamed for the terrible things you have experienced because of the messaging in the spiritual world, I hope this gives you a little bit of a new understanding.  It is not your fault.  You did not cause those things.  You are human and things happen.  

Your only responsibility is to understand that you have underlying beliefs, thoughts, and perceptions that are influencing how you experience life and you have a choice, in each moment, to bring awareness to them and do the work to change them if you don’t like what you are experiencing.  

The work that I do with clients is all about uncovering and working with the beliefs that were formed in those painful experiences and healing the parts that need attention and love so that those beliefs no longer negatively influence how we move through the world. If you’re interested in learning more, please do reach out. I would be happy to answer any questions.

The Power of the Wild Woman Archetype

“Wild Woman, wild woman sing life into my bones. Help me to remember the woman I am to become.”

I recently started a book club to study Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.  This is a book near and dear to my heart.  Any woman who feels lacking in any way, who feels dried up, stuck, full of doubt, fear, or shame… this book is calling to you.  

It is a book I have read all the way through and over the years have continued to come back to it to read bits as I’ve felt inspired.  But, I have never joined other women with a calling in their soul to rewild, to let their hair down and their claws out as they dig into their own depths to rediscover the wild woman within. 

Women gathering in circle is powerful.  Women gathering in circle to rewild and claim their sovereignty… I’m not sure I have words to express the magnitude of that frequency.  

It is palpable, it is humming, it is an energy of unraveling and rebirthing.

You may be wondering what it means to rewild?  What is Wild Woman Archetype?  

She is the female soul, a part of the divine feminine.  She is your intuition, your instinct.  

She is the far-seer, the deep listening, the loyal heart.  

She is your creativity.  She is dancing, singing, drumming, howling at the moon in purest joy and life.  

She is the deep lover, the healer.  

She is your life, death, life cycle.  She knows what must die away in order to make room for new life.

When wild woman is fully present she ignites your vibrancy, your sovereignty, your creative power.  

She is the one who finds all the bones- the lost, dismembered aspects of oneself and she sings over them until you become whole again.  

If you feel at all disconnected from your wild self, if you feel drained, stuck, dry, numb, fearful, or any words that might describe not fully in your vibrancy and wholeness then you are invited to rediscover your own lost parts.  You are invited to find the scent, the soft whisper of the wild woman archetype within you.  Here are a few questions offered by Dr. Estes in her book:

• What has happened to my soul voice?

• What are the buried bones in my life?

• What condition is my relationship to my own intuition?

• When was the last time I ran free? Felt free?

• How can I make life come alive again? 

I invite you to grab your journal and drop into your heart, into your womb and ponder these questions.  The path to your own rewilding might be found in your answers.  

Whether you choose to read the book alone, with other women, or not at all, the wild woman is within you.  She is beckoning you to come near.  Her soft whisper is reminding you of who you really are.  She is reminding you of what is available to you– intuition, connection, creativity, confidence, authenticity, embodiment, sovereignty.  

It is our birthright to live empowered, dynamic, vibrant lives. 

Harnessing your wild woman energy brings you back to life.

The A-ha moment that changed my life....

I’m a chanter and a girl that stands in front of the mirror and says awesome, loving things about herself.

A few years ago I did this in secret.

I would stand in front of my mirror with the doors closed and whisper my loving affirmations to myself hoping no one in my house could hear me because I was afraid they would think I was weird.

I would do my chanting early in the morning after my husband left for work and while my daughter was still asleep because I was afraid they would judge me or make fun of me if they heard me doing it.

Then one day I had an aha moment, I thought to myself, “If I’m afraid to be seen by my family, the people I feel the most comfortable with, something is really wrong.”

If I’m afraid of being judged within my own house then I know I have some work to do on my own self love, acceptance, worthiness, and confidence.

I decided in that moment that I was going to do the work. That I was going to practice being vulnerable, allowing myself to be seen in my allness and uncover and reprogram all the beliefs, fears, and stories that came up wanting to keep me small.

Where in your life are you dimming or hiding yourself out of fear?

That aha moment changed my life. It’s funny how the seemingly small moments can make a big impact in your life.

In that moment, I gave myself permission. Permission to be fully seen in my allness and though it started within the walls of my own home, it quickly extended out into all areas.

It cascaded into a personal mission to not dim or hide my truest self out of fear of being judged.

And, though it’s been scary at times and continues to push my edge, it’s also been absolutely liberating!

Here's an opportunity for you to journal on the following prompts to get clarity on how, where, and why you may be holding back, staying small, and not allowing yourself to be fully expressed. Get clarity on the stories, fears, etc that are keeping your from unapologetically owning your fullness. And, how to take action to become more fully expressed.

1. In what ways do you hide who you are?

2. With whom do you hold back, not share, stay small?

3. In what situations do you hold back, not share, stay small?

4. What are the stories and beliefs that come up for you when you think about being fully expressed in these situations? Let yourself really dive deep into all the stories, all the beliefs, all the reasons why it doesn’t feel safe, okay to be fully seen and expressed.

5. If you weren’t afraid about what anyone else thought about you, what they might say or think, who would you be? What would you do?

6. Do some tapping on the fear, stories, beliefs getting in the way of you showing up in your fullness (you can sign up for my free Tapping into Freedom, 7-day series to support you with this, https://fierce-artist-9496.ck.page/d84c664a77)

7. Choose 1 thing (to start) from your list from #4 and start to practice it now. What can you practice doing right now to be more fully expressed and seen? It is through action that we get to the other side of fear.

How to overcome guilt so you can love the life you're living

Raise your hand 👋 if you’ve felt guilty about wanting more for yourself, more for your life?

Almost every woman I’ve worked with has struggled with feeling guilty about taking time for herself, for wanting more for herself, her life then just being a mother, for wanting more space, more free time, for wanting to take care of herself, to prioritize her own happiness, her own desires, her own dreams.

But, they tell themselves….

~ “A good mom would always put her kids first”

~ “If I take this time for myself even though my kids want me to play, then I am being selfish and my kids will feel unloved”

~ “It’s not fair to ask my partner for more help around the house and with the kids, they work hard all week and I don’t want put them out.

~ “A good friend would say yes to helping out her friend even though I feel exhausted and depleted and need more support myself. I don’t want her to not like me.”

~ “I’m a bad mom if I choose to go back to work instead of staying home (all the other moms will judge me).”

There are a million stories and beliefs that keep us feeling guilty for wanting to prioritize ourselves. And, it makes sense, we’ve been conditioned from a very young age that we receive the love, acceptance, and value that we desire by making others happy, by taking care of their needs, by adapting ourselves to their standards, by giving all of ourselves to others.

It’s this programming that fuels the feelings of guilt which keeps us stuck in the same patterns of people pleasing and putting ourselves last. And, then we go through life feeling exhausted, drained, and resentful that our lives have nothing to do with us (and then we feel guilty for feeling that way).

To release the guilt and create a new belief for yourself that you are worthy and deserving of taking care of yourself, prioritizing your happiness, and filling your own cup, you must first uncover and unlearn the beliefs hidden within your subconscious mind.

One of the most powerful and effective tools to do just that is EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting work. Through tapping you can get right to the core of when those beliefs were formed and gently release them from your energy system. By releasing them from your body and mind (your energy field) you’ve freed yourself from being unconsciously driven by these underlying beliefs.

My clients have experienced profound shifts in themselves from doing this work...

~ finally feel good about speaking up for what they want and prioritizing their needs (by releasing a deep childhood belief that they were selfish)

~having a spontaneous knowing of her life direction and calling (after releasing childhood trauma from her system)

~feeling comfortable and confident with creating clear boundaries with her family (by doing deep work to unlearn her feeling of lack of worthiness and value within her family system)

~feeling hopeful, energized, and excited about her next level in her career and a faith that she can succeed and her family’s needs can be taken care of (releasing a belief that it had to be one or the other, and instilling a deeper sense of self-belief and a value in her gifts and what she has to offer the world)

This is just a few of the many shifts that have happened for my clients doing this work, but one of the foundational shifts that must be made is feeling worthy and loving yourself enough to know that you deserve to be happy, to take care of yourself, to fill your own cup!

And... that there's room for you to do that AND be able to be there for the people you love. In fact, I 1000% believe that you must prioritize yourself and your happiness, it’s the only way that you can truly show up for the people in your life that you love from an energy of abundance, joy, love, and presence.

And, right now, I have an incredible FREE offer, TAPPING INTO FREEDOM, a 7-day tapping journey to radical self-love, acceptance, confidence and your freedom.

Day 4 is all about releasing this guilt!

Sign up HERE to receive 7 pre-recorded tapping videos that will support you in reprogramming your mind and body so that you can experience more freedom, confidence, peace, self-love, and joy in your life!

9 ways you might be apologizing for who you really are

As young children most of us have been taught that who we are is not okay. We’ve been conditioned that we must show up a certain way in order to be loved. To get our parents attention, to be accepted by the peer group, to feel loved... we learned to please.

We learned to change our natural state of being, our true essence in order to be accepted.

That means when we wanted to be angry, we learned to push it down, when we wanted to play, be loud, and jump off the couches, we learned to play quietly with our toys instead, when we wanted to wear our favorite ‘crazy’ outfit or dye our hair, we learned that wasn’t appropriate.

And, here’s the thing, our parents didn’t actually have to say anything outrightly negative or mean to us to internalize that something was wrong with us...

When we were told we were wrong... we heard we’re stupid.

When we were told not right now... we heard you’re not important.

When we were told to go change... we heard don’t honor yourself.

When we were told to be quiet... we heard our voice doesn’t matter.

When we were told what we were doing was “too much...” we heard we’re too much.

So, we learned very early how to adapt ourselves to get the love, acceptance, and attention we desired and required.

The problem is that most of us haven’t unlearned all those rules put upon us. Deep within our subconscious we are still operating from the same belief system we developed as a child in order to survive and thrive. We were never taught to question those beliefs or to even be aware that they exist. We were never taught that as an adult we have a choice of whether we continue to operate from that faulty programming or whether we create a new reality for ourselves.

So, the majority of us continue to morph, change, adapt, and dim ourselves in an unconscious attempt to be loved and accepted.

The problem with this is that when we attempt to get love and acceptance from others outside of ourselves, we are choosing not to love and honor who we really are.

We are choosing to apologize over and over again for who we really are.

We’re not apologizing with our words, NO… we’re apologizing with our actions. We’re apologizing every time we don’t honor our truth, our voice, our desires, our uniqueness, our allness.

Have you been apologizing for who you are?

Check out these 9 ways you might unconsciously be apologizing for who you are

1. You say yes, when you really want to say no

2. You don't speak your truth because you’re afraid of being judged (your opinions, your parenting style, your diet, your spirituality, your politics, your beliefs, your past, etc…)

3. You dress in a way that you think will be accepted rather than what feels good and fun for you (hint… I’m too old to wear that, that’s too sexy, the other mom’s don’t dress like this)

4. You feel guilty for taking time for yourself

5. You don’t celebrate your wins because you don’t want to make anyone feel bad about where their at

6. You don’t share your dreams because you’re afraid what other people will think

7. You don’t ask for support because you don’t want to put anyone else out

8. You dim yourself to make others feel better

9. You choose to hide any part of your truest self, reinforcing the belief that you’re not good enough as you are, that something is wrong with you

Do any of those sound familiar? The list is hardly exhaustive, I could go on and on, but I think you can see what I mean.

So, here’s your invitation to get curious…

I invite you to pull out your journal and free write on the following questions-

~~How would I act, what would I say, who would I be, if I wasn’t afraid of being judged or rejected?

~~What parts of myself do I dislike? Why? Where did I learn that these were not okay?

~~What was I told as a little girl that I was “too much of” or “not enough of?”

The truth is that all of who you are is perfect, whole, worthy, and complete right now in this moment. And, the parts of you that you’re denying are desperately wanting to be loved and acknowledged. I think of them like little toddlers tantruming and causing a fuss inside our system because they just want to be seen, heard, witnessed, and loved.

Once you've done the journaling, I invite you to have a conversation with your little girl. All of us have a little girl inside. She’s really the one so terrified of being rejected, of being unlovable. Close your eyes, place a hand on your heart, and check in with your sweet little girl. Ask her how she’s feeling. What does she need to hear? How can you give her the love, attention, nurturing, and compassion that she (you) seeks?

This inner child exercise can be as brief as five minutes or how ever long feels good for you to take. As adults we get to parent ourselves, we get to love and honor our little girl inside, we get to learn to love and accept all of who we really are.

The you that isn’t limited by fear, that isn’t limited by the old rules of survival. The you that is 100% embodied in the unique, divine, magical spirit that she is.

It starts with de-storying all of the old beliefs and programming and choosing a new story that empowers who you really are, who you’ve always meant to be.

You’re all grown up now, you get to choose whether or not you’ll continue to be constrained by those old limitations based on fear or if you’ll give yourself the freedom to be fully expressed in your allness.

I would love to hear how these exercises go for you? What did you discover about yourself? What are you ready to shift in order to feel confident in owning who you really are? Reply to this email and let me know!

p.s. I have an exciting, new FREE offer that will support you in shifting 7 of the biggest blocks to your freedom. Tapping into Freedom, is a FREE 7 day journey to radical self-love, acceptance, confidence, and your freedom. CLICK HERE NOW TO SIGN UP and receive 7 pre-recorded tapping videos that will support you in recoding and reprograming your mind and body so that you can experience more ease, peace, love, forgiveness, and joy in your life!

The time someone got mad at me and I didn’t go down the spiral of shame and beating myself up

How uncomfortable do you get with people being upset with you? How much do you feel like it’s your responsibility to “fix” the situation and make them happy? How often when someone is upset do you end up beating yourself up and feeling really bad about yourself because of it? And, on the flipside of this coin when someone gets upset with you how quickly do you go on defense trying to justify yourself? Do you get angry or defensive when people speak their truth and share why their upset?

I know for most of my life I avoided confrontation and upsetting people like the plague. I hated it. It was so uncomfortable and it would always end up one of two ways- either I would bend over backwards to fix it, worrying that they would hate me forever if I didn’t OR I would get defensive, “how dare they say,” feeling the need to protect and prove that I wasn’t a bad person.

Either way it went, I would feel like crap. I would ruminate about it for days and a heaviness would sit in my body as my nervous system struggled to let it go.

It sucked!

And, the truth is the reason why we either go on fix it mode or defense is because of our not enoughness. The belief that we’re not good enough. When someone gets upset at us it immediately triggers that deepest core belief that I believe 99% of us have that we’re not enough, we’re bad, somethings wrong with us. And so, we either try to fix it, make them happy, show that we are good, show that we are worthy because we can bend over backwards to make them happy again or we try and protect ourselves by judging them, making them bad, so as not to have to face that fact that our not enoughness has just been triggered.

But, what-if you didn’t have to do either? What if you loved yourself enough, knew your worth enough that you could hold space for someone else's feelings (even if they were projecting their own stuff onto you) without going down the spiral of self blame and protection? What if you could hear them out, own what was yours, apologize if appropriate, and then let it go? Walking away and not thinking about it again?

Doesn’t that sound amazing?

I knew I had hit a huge milestone of my self love and acceptance journey when I easily did just that.

Here’s what happened:

A friend reached out to me a few days after hanging out and let me know that something I had done had really upset her. She came across quite aggressively and was making a few accusations about me that weren’t true. I noticed that my nervous system immediately went on high alert and I wanted to go into defense to fight back against what she had assumed about me in this exchange. But, instead of reacting immediately, I was able to take a step back and look at the situation from a greater perspective. I was able to see that I had made a mistake and could sincerely apologize for that AND that I didn’t need to justify myself, defend myself, or take her interpretation of my intent as truth about me. I was able to separate her perception of the exchange and how she perceived me, and my intention with what was true in my heart and what I know about myself.

I didn’t need to start a fight with her to prove that my intentions weren’t malicious or bad. I didn’t need to point out her flaws or push the blame on her. I didn’t need to call up all my other friends and hash it out and get them to side with me to feel validated and prove I was likeable and a good person. I didn’t hold onto it for days going over the conversation over and over again and thinking of all the things I could have said, all the reasons why she’s not a good friend anyway. I didn’t go into judging her, and putting her down to make myself feel better. I didn’t text her over and over again to make sure she was okay, and did she still like me, were we good, is there anything else I could do to let her know how sorry I was. (I used to do all these things to try and make myself feel better)

Instead, I appreciated her for being honest with me about how she felt. I took responsibility for the mistake I made and I sincerely apologized. I didn’t hold onto the perceptions she had about me because they weren’t true. And, then I let the whole conversation go.

It was so simple. It was so easy.

When you love yourself, truly love yourself, you no longer feel the need to justify or defend yourself to prove your worth, you no longer need to bend over backwards to make someone else feel better because you’re afraid of not being liked.

You get to just be. You can hold space for other people’s feelings without attaching any story about what it means about you.

This is what a confident and self-loving woman looks like.

The opportunity here for you is to notice the next time someone gets upset at you, what your immediate response is.

Do you go on the defense?

Do you try and bend over backwards to fix it?

Does your nervous system go into overdrive?

Is it hard for you to let it go?

What are the stories you tell yourself about yourself when someone gets upset with you?

Get curious if you’re trying to prove or hustle for love and acceptance? Can you give yourself the love and acceptance you desire so you no longer go down the spiral of shame and beating yourself up when your “not enoughness” is triggered?

p.s. I have an exciting, new FREE offer that will support you in shifting 7 of the biggest blocks to your freedom.

Tapping into Freedom, is a FREE 7 day journey to radical self-love, acceptance, confidence, and your freedom.

CLICK HERE NOW TO SIGN UP and receive 7 pre-recorded tapping videos that will support you in recoding and reprograming your mind and body so that you can experience more ease, peace, love, forgiveness, and joy in your life!

3 mindset shifts that will get you UNSTUCK

If you want to feel excited about life and feel like you have control over what your life looks like then you have to start with the internal work.

One of my clients had a huge a-ha moment when she started to dive into our work together. She said, ‘I didn’t realize how much I had resigned myself to a life of drudgery.’ Before our work, she hadn’t realized that she actually could change the way she felt, could change the way her life felt. She didn’t realize how much her own mindset and energy was impacting her life AND that she had the power to do something about it.

She believed that since she chose to be a wife and mom, and this is what her life looked like as a wife and mom (catering to her kids every need, not putting her husband out by asking for time for herself, having sex when she didn’t really want to, taking care of all the household responsibilities because he works and she doesn’t #raisingyourkidsisafulltimejob), that she just had to deal with it. She should be grateful for what she had and suck it up and make the best out of life that didn’t satisfy her, but wasn’t terrible.

Man, had I been there before. Pushing down my feelings of dissatisfaction, not feeling really seen or valued, hopelessness, helplessness, and resignation.

Thinking, “is this really as good as it’s going to get?”

Wishing for more, but not seeing anyway to get it.

But, through laser coaching and tapping we were able to really look at the underlying beliefs and shed light on a new perspective, reprogramming her mindset to work for her rather than hold her back any longer. And, by the end of our work together, she no longer felt like she had to settle for a life of drudgery. In fact, her life had become full of joy, fulfillment, and freedom.

She stopped waiting for her life to magically change for the better one day and started to take responsibility for making the changes she desired. She stopped feeling guilty and like a bad mom and wife if she took the time she needed to fill her own cup, she started doing things that brought her more joy and fulfillment, she stopped worrying that if she prioritized her own happiness that it would negatively impact her family, she felt comfortable asking for support.

She learned to honor herself and in doing so not only did her life go from drudgery to joyful, but the relationships she worried would suffer because of it, actually got closer.

Here are 3 key mindset shifts that will help you reclaim your power and take back your life.

1. I need something or someone to change in order for me to feel better

I spent a lot of my life believing this. If only my boss wasn’t awful then I would love my job. If only my daughter was easier then I wouldn’t feel so stressed out. If only my husband was more open and communicative then I would be happier in my marriage. If only my childhood hadn’t been crappy then I would feel better about myself. If only I had a bigger house then I would feel like I fit in with the other moms. If only something changed…

then I would feel better.

Do you see how this way of thinking keeps you stuck playing the victim? If you continue to wait for something or someone to change in order for you to love your life, mama, you’re going to be waiting a long time. The only thing you have power over is yourself, and if you need everything outside of you to change in order to feel good then you’ve just given away all of your power.

What I know to be true is that in order for your outside circumstances to change, you have to change, meaning you have to take radical responsibility for your life. You have a choice in how you feel. You have a choice on how you perceive your life and what you focus on.

And, when you choose to shift your focus, when you choose to embody love, appreciation, and joy instead of anger, blame, stress, and self judgment, then your circumstances will change.

Your current circumstances are a reflection of your current and past vibration (your thoughts and emotions).

So, let me give you an example...

I had a job that I really didn’t like. It checked all the right boxes of income, hours, location, etc, but the work did not excite me. Plus, to top it off, I ended up with a boss that seemed to make it her mission to point out all my flaws. Initially, I thought that it was all my bosses fault. If she wasn’t awful I would enjoy my job. I wouldn’t dread having to go there everyday. I would do better at my work. But, then I came to the realization that of course I would hate my job, and of course, my boss would continue to pick on me if I continue to stay in the frame of mind everyday that my job sucked, that my boss was awful.

I was coding in the same vibration, the same neural pathways to create the same reality everyday that I woke up. But, when I made the conscious choice to shift my thinking about my boss and my job something amazing happened. I started to wake up everyday and send my boss loving thoughts. I walked into my work everyday in appreciation, thankful to have a job, thankful for the coworkers I loved, thankful for everything I had learned on this job, thankful with all the little bits that I appreciated. Before I had to interact with my boss I would send her loving thoughts. And, you know what happened, she stopped paying much attention to me at all AND within a month I had been recruited to a different department with a new boss and I didn’t have to interact with my old boss at all.

When I chose to no longer focus on the problem, the problem was removed from my reality. It could not exist when I no longer was a vibrational match to it.

Key takeaway here, no one or no thing has the power to make you feel anything unless you let them. You always have a choice and when you take radical responsibility for your life you have great power to effect change. Start to focus on what you want. Start to focus on the areas of your life that you appreciate. Change your focus, change your life!

2. You believe everything you hear in your head

We all have a judge and a victim in our head. The victim is the voice that tells us we have no power over our lives and what happens. The judge is filling us in on all the reasons why we’re bad, not good enough, undeserving, and not worthy.

Our judge is loud, authoritative, and mean. And, it’s been around so long we often listen to it without question. We believe everything it says.

Here’s how the judge shows up… You’ve decided you’re going to take some time for yourself, do a little self-care because you’re exhausted. The judge isn’t having any of that, "who do you think you are?"

The judge says, “you can’t take time for yourself, your kids need you, remember they cried last time you left, only bad mom’s leave their kids upset just to go to a yoga class. How selfish. They're going to think you don’t love them, they're going to feel abandoned. You’re going to harm your children just to do what you want? Why did you even have kids in the first place? Oh, you want to ask your partner for help? Well, they work all week long, they're tired after work. They deserve some free time on the weekend. You don’t work as hard as them, they deserve it more than you. All the other moms seem to be handling it better than you. You should be able to handle this. You wanted kids right? Now, you’re saying it’s too much? Suck it up, this is the life you asked for!”

Sound familiar?

The goal is not to demonize our judge, but to start to get curious? Is what it’s saying really true? Who says? Does the judge sound eerily familiar to someone else from your past… maybe a parent, or some other influential adult when you were a child?

It’s important to start gaining awareness of the judge in your head and no longer blindly accepting it’s voice as truth. It’s time to cultivate a new internal voice. The voice of your highest soul self, your intuition, your inner knowing that will guide you to a more self loving, honoring, and compassionate part of yourself. She is in there, but she tends to be a bit quieter. She tends to need a litte bit more intention to hear her, to cypher through the judge in order to get to the heart of what’s really true. And, that comes from becoming aware of the judge’s voice in the first place, not accepting it as the truth, questioning it, and listening for your true voice underneath. The voice that feels loving, kind, soft, supportive.

The one that will tell you, “of course, you are worthy and deserving of taking some time for yourself. You’re not hurting or damaging your children by taking time away. In fact, the more you replenish yourself, the more you fill your own cup with what brings you joy, the more present, patient, and connected you will be able to be with your kids. Parenting is a BIG job, it takes an incredible amount of emotional energy, and so of course you would feel tired. You are doing a lot of hard work. And, just because you desire a break, just because you desire more for yourself then just your role as mother, does not make you a bad mother, it makes you a multidimensional human. You are so much more than just your role as a mother and it is totally normal and natural for you desire more for your life then parenting. You are not a bad mom, you are a beautiful, perfect, whole, and complete person. And you are worthy and deserving of a life that feels good, brings you joy, and fills your soul! You can have both an amazing relationship with your kiddos and a life outside your immediate family. It’s not one or the other.”

Listen for that voice. She is in there. You can be aware of the judge. Thank the judge for it’s perspective and attempts to protect you, and choose to not hold onto it’s perspective as your own. There is another voice in there, allow her to come through and support you. She's your heart’s voice.

3. You define who you are by what you have been told you’re supposed to be

As women, we’ve been conditioned since we were very young that our value comes from pleasing others. Good girls are quiet, polite, helpful, listen to what they’re told, don’t complain (to name just a few). When we didn’t follow these rules we got in trouble, when we did our parents were happy with us. We were taught that to be accepted, loved, and valued we had to make sure we didn’t do anything to upset anyone, we had to make our parents like us, our teachers, like us, our peers like us.

So we morphed, we pleased, we swallowed our truth.

And, we were accepted, we were given conditional love, AND our soul withered and suffered.

As a sovereign creator of your life, you get to now decide whether you will blindly hold fast to who you were taught to be or will you bravely uncover the truth of who you really are. Will you choose to prioritize loving and honoring yourself over seeking love and acceptance from others?

When you choose to love yourself rather than seek love from others then you get to create your own rules and definitions of who you are that are in alignment with your truth, the real you.

This is another way that we get to quiet the judge in our head. When being a “good mom” isn’t defined by society’s rules, the PTA moms at the school, or who your mother was, then you get the freedom to create your own definition of what being a good mom is. A good wife. A good person. A good friend. A good employee. A good daughter. A good human.

You no longer have to completely sacrifice yourself to make others happy in order to feel worthy and deserving of love. Instead you get to love yourself and create your own ideas of who you get to be based on what feels true and honoring to your Soul.

Now, that is freedom!!!

This has been a long one… As, you can see I have a lot to say about this. I believe wholeheartedly in the power of shifting these 3 beliefs to take your power back. Why? Because it massively changed my life and I’ve seen it change the lives of my clients.

p.s. I have an exciting FREE offer coming soon that will support you in shifting 7 of the biggest blocks to your freedom. Tapping into Freedom, is a FREE 7 day journey to radical self-love, acceptance, confidence, and your freedom. CLICK HERE NOW TO SIGN UP and I'll make sure you're the first to receive it when it's available!

The Before and After of letting go of fear and living a heart-led life

You may or may not have noticed that I have been pretty much MIA for the past 3 months. Part of me wants to begin this email with an apology for not showing up, but I will refrain because the truth is that my decision to switch my focus and take a break from my business did not come lightly. And, I will not apologize for stepping away because the decision to do so came from my heart, it came from a deep listening to what I needed, what my family needed, and what felt the most nourishing and true to me in that moment. 

So, I come back to you proud, restored, rejuvenated, and with so much fire in my belly to continue to embody and teach what it means when as women, we truly prioritize ourselves, our soul’s whispers, our needs, and our joy and well-being.

But, let me backtrack a bit and share my process.  Three months ago I found myself not only juggling being a mother and an entrepreneur, but also a 3rd grade teacher.  With a daughter who struggles in school and needs extra support I quickly realized that trying to continue to be in my business and show up for my amazing community and be there for my daughter in the way she needed me during distance learning wasn’t working.

I noticed that showing up online and in my business started to feel really stressful.  I noticed that I was feeling resentful that my daughter was taking so much of my time and was irritable and grumpy with her when she needed me.  It felt awful.  I didn’t know how to manage her needs and the needs of my business simultaneously and she was getting the brunt of my struggle.

For awhile, I thought that what I wanted was to stay connected to my business, stay connected to my community because I feel such a deep purpose and joy in what I do and I was desperately trying to hang onto that while also managing all the other new needs of me.

But, the deeper I dug (and pay attention here because this is key) the more I realized that what I thought was my desire to remain in my business was actually driven by fear.  When I really took the time to dive deep within myself- to get curious about what was really going on, to slow down and ask the questions “what do I really want?  What would feel the most nourishing and joyful to my soul right now?” what I found surprised me.

What I really wanted was to be with my daughter.  What I really wanted was to support her in the best way I could while she was in distance learning. So, why was I resisting that?  Why did I keep striving to stay in my business if it was causing so much stress?

Fear!

What I found to be true when I dove deep within myself is that if I let go of my business, if I stopped showing up then I had failed.  What if I let it go for good?  What if I lost all the momentum of what I had been creating for the past 2 years?  What if my community forgot about me? What if they no longer trusted me because I didn’t show up all the time.  If I let it go for now then I would be reaffirming that same old story that I didn’t follow through.  That I start and don’t finish things.  So, in my mind there was too much at stake if I let it all go. I would be a failure.  I would lose everything I created.  My family would be disappointed in me that I didn’t follow through on what I said I wanted.  I would be a bad role model (and mother) for my daughter if she saw me give up.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!! How interesting.  How very, very interesting! Where did I get all of those ideas? Because business coaches tell you you have to show up consistently or you’ll never be successful.  Because of a story I told myself in the past that I don’t follow through.  Because of some made up belief I created that the only way I could be a good mom and role model to my daughter is if she saw me succeed at this one thing.  And, if I let this part of my life go for the time being then I was a failure.  Wow!

No wonder I was holding on for dear life.  No wonder I was trying to force myself to stick to it even though it was making me miserable and not allowing me to support my daughter in the way she needed and the way I wanted to show up for her.

I know this example I’m sharing is about my business so you may not relate to it very much, but can you see how this happens in every area of our life?

I have to keep going to the gym every morning because if I don’t I will have failed, my husband won’t think I’m sexy and attractive, everyone will judge me for not following through because I said I was going to go everyday for the whole year, I will get fat and ugly, I will……

If I choose to go to yoga or a long walk instead of staying home to help with the kids then I’m being selfish, my kids will be upset I’m leaving, my husband will resent me for taking too much time to myself, my family needs me, I’m a bad mom/wife if I don’t do what they want/need me to do……

We do this to ourselves all the time!!!!  We have let our fear lead the way rather than our heart and intuition.  We have trusted fear and forced ourselves to keep going down a path that doesn’t feel good based on worn out stories of what it means if we don’t.

Well, this time I chose not to let fear lead the way and do what my heart wanted instead.  I chose to walk away from my business temporarily and focus on my daughter because that is what I really wanted.

And, I am so glad I did! These last three months have been amazing with my daughter, they have given me exactly what I needed. And, now I am coming back to my community from a place of excitement, joy, passion, and play.  I am coming back to you now not from a place of “have to” or “need to,” but from a place of desire.  My heart has told me that it is now time to come back and it feels so good!!

Being able to let go, releasing all the fears, all the worries, all the what-if’s, all the stories, and having faith that when it was time to come back I would know, that when it was time to come back I would come back with clean energy, I would come back invigorated, renewed, and excited to reconnect.

And, because I let go and I trusted the process of life, that is exactly what happened!

So, I will leave you with this….

Is there any area of your life that you are forcing?

Is there any area of your life that you are experiencing as a “have to” or a “should?”

The opportunity here for you is to get curious.  Why are you forcing?  What makes you feel you have to?  Where is the should coming from?  

If you can de-story the old programming, if you can witness the fear, then you begin to take your power back.  This is how you create more choice.  When you blindly let fear lead the way you become a victim to your life.  You feel like you don’t have a choice.  But, when you get curious, when you start to look underneath the veil, you now have so much more information.  You now have the opportunity to choose to stay in your fear or to choose a heart led life, to choose to trust the process of life and that you’re always being guided in the right direction when you follow what feels good.

Which will you choose…. fear or freedom?

p.s. I have an exciting FREE offer coming soon that will support you in shifting 7 of the biggest blocks to your freedom. Tapping into Freedom, is a FREE 7 day journey to radical self-love, acceptance, confidence, and your freedom. CLICK HERE NOW TO SIGN UP and I'll make sure you're the first to receive it when it's available!

4 steps to getting out of your own way

It's time to get out of your way!

You want to feel happy. You want to love your life. You want to wake up feeling excited about the day ahead of you and....

You ABSOLUTELY can!

You just need to get out of your own way of being able to experience that every day.

What I mean by that is that you get to change how you perceive your life and what you focus on.

Because I guarantee that if you feel like crap and aren't loving your life it's because you've focused on all the wrong things.

And, you are living from a program that is perpetuating the same experiences, same feelings, same mind, that is creating your lack luster life!

You must upgrade your programming, you must change your energy to change your life!

So, the first thing you get to understand when desiring to create your very best life is that you are not a victim of your circumstances.  Life is not happening to you!  

You must first take responsibility for your life as it is right now.  When you take radical responsibility for your life you start to get beyond victim consciousness.

You realize that you are the Source of your experience and you have the power to create your life!  It means you are no longer going to point the finger of blame at anyone else, you are no longer going to give your power away to anything outside of you to determine how you feel, and what you get to experience. 

I used to live inside a victim consciousness….I believed that only if I had an easier upbringing, if only I was smarter, if only my mom hadn’t been sick, if only my child was easier, if only my husband paid more attention to me, if only x, y, and z lined up perfectly, then I would be happier, then my life would be easier, then I could have been more successful, then I could have felt more loved.  And, the list went on and on.

So, the first thing that is required is you get really honest with yourself.  Are you living from a victim mentality?  Do you find yourself thinking if only [blank] changed, then I would be, do, have, feel, be able to experience x, y, or z?

I invite you to ponder these questions from a place of so much self compassion, love, and honesty.  No judgment or self blame...just non judgmental awareness.

Do I blame others for my life circumstances? For anything that I am experiencing or not experiencing now?

Do I ever ask, “why me?” “why is this happening again?”

Do I get lost in thoughts of fear, worry, doubt, or lack?

Do I look to others to make me feel happy?

When you can see how you are still playing victim then you get the opportunity to take radical responsibility for your life and yourself. And, when you do you draw your energy and power back to yourself. 

When you take ownership for your life and how you feel then you understand that you and only you have the power to change it!

That you have the ability to change your life by changing your thoughts, perceptions, feelings, and behavior to create a new reality.

I came across a quote a while back that said, “You can't become what you want by remaining what you are.”

This is absolutely true! When we’re living in victim consciousness or just living unconsciously, we are basically living on auto-pilot based on the programming of our past.  Your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and behaviors have become completely habitual.  And, the programming that is running you is based on old stories, memories, and experiences, which affect the decisions you make now and how you see and interact with the world.

So, to truly create your best life and a new reality for yourself you get to transcend your old ways of being, thinking, acting, and feeling in order to have a new experience.  You can’t be the same person you are now, running the same stories and habitual ways of being and expect something new to happen.

Isn’t it awesome! 

You have the power to create something different!

And, so I want to share a few key things you can do right now to take radical responsibility and start changing your life now.

​Get clear on your vision 

This can be easy. It's usually the opposite of what you don't want. If you know what you don't want then it supports you in getting clarity on what you DO want. What do you want and how do you want to feel?

It’s so important for you to have clarity on where you are now and where you desire to be.  When we have clarity of where we are and what we want, it allows us to gain focus, we’re no longer meandering through life or just “going with the flow.” We focus, and when we focus we can start to take inspired and intentional action towards where we want to go.​

So, write in your journal exactly where you most desire to be in these four areas of your life. What do you really want?​

Relationship to Self

Relationship to Others

Health

Career/Finances

Do this exercise with complete openness. Let go of all limitations, doubts, fears, resistance, and allow yourself to just play in possibility. What is the best of the best scenario in all of these areas of your life?  Write it all out!

Notice Where You’re At Now

Now, notice where you are now compared to where you desire to be. Start to get curious about why you aren’t where you want to be.  What are your biggest struggles in each of these areas? How do you feel in each of these areas? Your biggest struggles shows you what your beliefs and stories are in each of these areas. Your current reality shows you what your programming is because your outside circumstances are a reflection of your internal state.​

This is where you get to dive a bit deeper.​

What stories have you been telling yourself that aren’t supporting you?

Marianne Williamson says, “the stories we tell ourselves are the experiences we live.”

The stories we tell ourselves are the experiences we live because our brain will continue to find evidence to prove that story true. So, our reality becomes the playbook of these stories.  Whether the story you are telling yourself is that no one supports you, there are no good men left, you are just unlucky, bad stuff always happens to you, you’re not important, that will be your experience because you are viewing the world through that lens. 

You have to uncover the stories in order to create new ones!  

So, list out your top 3 struggles in each of these areas.  How is your current reality showing you what you must believe or the stories you must be telling yourself that are keeping you from creating what you actually desire.

For example,  if your vision is to have a happy, healthy marriage, but in your current circumstances you feel distance in your relationship, resentful of your partner’s behavior, and wish he really saw you and got you, then this is a perfect reflection of your current beliefs and stories about marriage.

Maybe some of your stories/beliefs are:

“Marriages are hard”

“I’m not worthy of being seen or heard in my relationships”

“It’s not safe to be seen and heard in relationships”

“It’s his fault, if only he would change x, y, z, then our marriage would be better”

Get really clear on what your biggest beliefs/struggles in each of these four areas are. Once you know what they are you can begin to create new empowering stories for yourself.  You can change your mind and your reality will change.

Create New Empowering Stories

Now, you get to create new empowering stories and beliefs that support the vision that you want to create. 

So, from the above example,  your new beliefs may be:

“My marriage gets to be an amazing adventure that's getting stronger and better every day!”

“I am worthy of being seen and heard in my relationships”

“I am safe to be and show all of me”

“I am responsible for how I want to feel and what I allow into my life, so I get to create whatever I want, and I choose.....”

Make sure that when you create your new beliefs that they feel good in your body and keep them positive and in the present tense. Then they get to become your new mantra.  Say them all day long.  Put them as your phone background. Put them on post-its around your house.  Print them out and read them aloud every morning in front of the mirror.  Allow them to become your new truth by repetition.

Start taking Inspired Action

Once, you've created new stories you can start to take action in a way that moves you towards your vision.  What is 1 thing you can start doing in each area of your life right now to help you move closer to what you want to create? It's little things that add up to big transformations.  

List 1 action for each area of your life that you are committing to working on right now.  

Remember, “you can't become what you want by remaining what you are.”​  So, you'll have to start thinking, feeling, and acting different to create a new reality.

I'd love to hear what you're choosing to work on and what new stories you're adopting and actions you're going to take! Just reply below and share with me or if you want help workshopping your new beliefs or what actions you can take, I'd love to help with that too!

with so much love,

Shaina

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When you're ready here's a few amazing ways to get supported by me and create your best life NOW...

1. Get coached by me through my signature 3 month program, Her Life Reclaimed. Click here to connect and explore what's possible when you choose you and take radical responsibility for creating your best life now and stepping into your next level self! Learn more about the program here.

2. Join the Facebook Group, Self-Love~Mindset~Manifestation, for live teachings, tons of support, and a community of awesome like-minded women.

3. Follow me on Instagram for weekly manifestation tips, inspiration, and a whole lotta love!

This Is How Your Life Becomes Awesome

No matter what your reality looks like right now, a job you hate, a mean boss, a partner who doesn't see or appreciate you, tons of self-doubt, tons of fear, whatever it is, it doesn't have to remain your reality.

That's right you're not a victim to your circumstances. This took me a long time to realize. It actually was so outside my realm of awareness for most of my life. I just assumed that I had to settle for the life I was dealt and I should just appreciate it and make the best of it. Which ended up making me feel totally unfulfilled, helpless to make any changes in my life, and continuing to search for happiness and contentment outside of myself.

Most of my life, I had been operating from a state of total anxiety, self-doubt, and fear.  I had and anxiety and panic attacks that lead me to have 3 EKG's over several years (I was sure something was wrong with my heart), and at one point a total breakdown. I feared everything. I was afraid people didn't like me. I was afraid I wasn't good enough at my job at anything. I was afraid of airplanes (I didn't fly for 8 years). I afraid of any type of risk, preferring safety and security over happiness and fulfillment. I deeply feared that people would judge me or reject me, so I conformed, I "fit in" rather then honored or explored my own uniqueness and authentic expression of me. Because of my history, I always feared that if people really got to know me then they would find out I was damaged good, I felt so ashamed of my past. Deep down I didn't feel loveable or worthy, so I strived desperately to be accepted by always putting everyone else first, avoiding conflict, and people pleasing up the wazoo, totally losing myself in the process. I was living so small. I was living in the shadows. I was comfortable, but not happy.

And, I didn't know there was another way to live. I didn't know I had the power to change it all. I was fully in victim consciousness.

Then through my process of awakening, I found out that I actually did have the power to change my circumstances. That I was responsible for my reality and I had complete control over how I chose to perceive my life. I had the ability to change my vibration and energy. I had the ability to change my thoughts. Well, that was exciting!  Could it be true?  It was definitely worth exploring and finding out! Yes, Yes, it absolutely does work!  It works amazingly!! My life has changed dramatically in the most amazing ways.  I'm happy to say that I no longer live with any anxiety.  I now love myself so deeply and speak up about my needs, desires, wants, and I am met with support and honor.  My relationship with my husband has totally transformed.  My husband totally transformed, as he saw my growth and expansion and how happy and good I felt, it gave him permission to honor himself and take responsibility for his life.  He is now so happy and our relationship is much deeper, more connected, and feels amazing.  I have attracted in the most amazing, soul-aligned friends, and the friends I already had have become even better.  And, through believing in myself and taking a huge risk I left my job and pursued my passion and purpose in life becoming a coach and supporting women in doing this most amazing and liberating work!  I went from pretty debilitating anxiety, complete lack of self-love and worth, tons of fear to freedom, passion, purpose, joy, confidence, and so much love!!!

And, it all started by taking radical responsibility. Nobody but you has the power to free you. Nobody but you is in your head choosing your perceptions, choosing your thoughts, how you feel, how you act, or the decisions you make.

You are not a victim of your life! Isn't that awesome? I know this because my life completely changed when I took full responsibility for it.

That's the pre-step... realizing that you're not a victim and that you always have a choice of how you're living your life. That doesn't mean that you have complete control over everything that happens, but you do have complete control over how you respond; your perceptions, thoughts, beliefs, emotions, decisions, and actions.

And, you have more control then you may realize about what shows up or doesn't show up in your life. Your vibration attracts to you that which you're a match too. So, if you're vibrating with a ton of fear, self-doubt, anxiety, and lack of self-love then you're going to attract in more experiences that create those same feelings. And, no shame or self-judgment here, it's all good if that's where you are.... this gets to be your beautiful opportunity to learn a new way. It took me 30 years to figure it out! It's never too late and it's so worth it!

So, without further ado.....

Your 3 Steps to Going from Victim to Creator

1. Be Love

I know, I know....that sounds corny, right? Cliché even. But, embodying a vibration of love is so powerful! It's a total game changer. When you start to embody love as your frequency, as your way of being and operating in the world, everything in your world changes. It starts with a deep self love (check out this video to learn a powerful tool to cultivate self-love). And then you can choose to send that love out~~ send love to the boss who is mean, the partner that doesn't see you. Send love to that part of you that feels all that fear and self-doubt, that part of you is really just your inner child crying out for attention, support, and love. Send love out to all of the people, the situations, the events, and the circumstances of your life. Send love to all of it! The more love you feel and the more love you send out the more magnificent and magical your life becomes. Your external world is a reflection of your internal state. Make embodying love your primary state of being and your world will reflect that shift! I am proof that choosing love works, my relationships have shifted in totally surprising and unexpected ways (positively), I've experienced so many synchronicities and awesome magic entering my life because I've chosen to embody and spread the love. And, I just feel so good!

2. Shift Your Focus

Instead of focusing on all that you dislike about your life. Let's take the mean boss for example.... allowing yourself to get stressed out and angry before you even encounter them in the morning. Or, worrying about what other people are thinking of you and playing out in your head over and over again if whether what you had said sounded stupid, did you come off as too much, too opinionated, too different, and you just know they are totally judging you. We tend to way over focus on all our problems, ruminating on all our worries, fears, doubts, etc... which only attracts more of that same energy and experiences into your life. Imagine what would happen if you started to shift your focus? What if you focused on all the areas of your job that you did like (there is always something)? What if you started to spend more time imagining and thinking about the kind of boss you would love to work for? What if instead of berating and judging yourself for whatever you think you may have done wrong you loved yourself instead, you forgave yourself your mistakes, you treated yourself like you would your best friend or your own children? What you focus on grows, so if you choose to shift your focus on all that you have to appreciate about your life, all that you are grateful for, all that you do want (rather then all that you don't), and be and spread love... BOOM! Your life is going to explode in goodness.

3. Get Into The Feeling

How you feel is everything. Most people spend so much of their life unconsciously sitting in feelings of resentment, stress, anxiety, and fear. These feelings underlie all of their decisions, thoughts, actions, and beliefs. And, in moments of joy or gratitude they experience it only briefly before falling back into the baseline state of stress, anxiety, and fear. When you start to intentionally and consciously shift your focus into gratitude, appreciation, joy, love, it's so important to really allow yourself to feel it. Use your breath, use your imagination to expand these feelings of appreciation, joy, and love.  Imagine all that you do desires, see it in your mind's eye with so much detail and really feel what that would be like.  Experience the feelings now as if it's already true.  And, breath it in.  Breath deeply as you intentional expand those amazing feelings, allowing them to fully consume you and radiate out of your body.  Do this for 5-10 minutes a morning right when you wake up and it will completely shift your vibration.  And, then continue to find reasons all throughout your day to feel good, to cultivate appreciation, gratitude, and joy.

There you have it, {{ subscriber.first_name }}! 3 really powerful ways to start creating your life on purpose!  You can have, be, do, and experience anything that you desire.  And, the more you practice these 3 tools of embodying love, shifting your focus, and changing your feeling state, the more awesome your life will become.  It all starts with taking radical responsibility for your life and understanding that you have the ability and power to change it! You're that incredible!

Want to take this a step further??  On Thursday, July 9th, at 7pm pst, I'm hosting a virtual workshop, Create Your Best Life Now!  I'm going to go much deeper, supporting you in getting really clear on where you are, and where you want to go, and how to get there!  It's going to be fun, deep, and inspirational.  Here's the link to learn more and register!

Hope to see you there!

with love,

Shaina

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When you're ready here's a few amazing ways to get supported by me and create your best life NOW...

1. Get coached by me through my signature 3 month program, Her Life Reclaimed. Click here to connect and explore what's possible when you choose you and take radical responsibility for creating your best life now and stepping into your next level self!

2. Join the Facebook Group, Woman Rising, for live teachings​, tons of support, and a community of awesome like-minded women.

3. GRAB YOUR COPY OF THE TOP 10 TIPS TO CREATING YOUR BEST LIFE, HERE.

4. Follow me on Instagram for weekly manifestation tips, inspiration, and a whole lotta love!

I can't believe this is happening again

Have you ever said that to yourself... "why's this happening again?"

Why do I keep attracting toxic partners?

The wrong kind of person?

Mean bosses?

Friends that end up making me feel like crap?

Money that keeps going out as soon as it comes?

Why is my life always so hard?

What do I keep struggling?

Why am I so unlucky?

I SO get it because I used to think a lot of those same things too and so many more. I bet you've read all the books, listened to the podcasts, watched the Ted talks and Youtube clips. You're doing the yoga and meditation. So, why do you keep experiencing the same old things over and over again?

Here's the deal.... until you uncover the old programming and beliefs that are living underneath the surface, in your subconscious mind, and do the work to reprogram them, you will continue to see the same patterns play out again and again in your life.

No matter how many books you read, podcasts you listen to, or Ted talks you watch, nothing will change until you start to dive deep and do the work.

Well, that's not totally true.... you will probably experience a little bit of a shift. At the beginning of my journey, when I finally hit a point where I knew something had to change because I was feeling so lost, so empty, when I had completely lost myself I began to explore in earnest yoga and meditation. I began reading all the books, and following some amazing spiritual teachers, and I did experience shifts. I did start to feel a little bit better. I started to feel a little bit lighter. I began to be able to respond to my circumstance better rather then always be in reaction. I began to decrease my anxiety and stress levels. And, all of those things were so amazing and an absolute shift in the right direction. But, I was still feeling lost. My relationship to my husband was still not great. I still didn't believe or see myself ever being able to do anything other then the administrative, low level jobs I had done. I was still searching for more meaning and purpose in my life. I was still searching for a deep, lasting joy.

Want to know why?

Here's why..... (there's 2 main parts to this answer)

1.

No amount of reading, listening, and watching of spiritual truths will ever create the change you desire. You actually have to integrate and implement the teachings to see the differences. I spent a few too many years (I must confess) reading all of these books like novels, thinking, "yes, yes, this all makes sense. I totally believe this! I totally resonate with this!" And, then I would put the book down and do nothing about it. Sound familiar? If you want to experience positive shifts in your life you have to actually do the work!

2. 

Which brings me to the next point... as soon as I started doing the deep work, that's when my life began to really change. To really create changes in your life you have to start changing the subconscious beliefs that have been directing your life forever. This is the work!! And, it all starts with awareness. It all starts with paying attention to your thoughts. What are the stories that you tell yourself day in and day out? What are the beliefs that are running through your mind just below the surface all day long. 

Some of mine were, "I'm just not smart enough to be really successful. It's better to be practical and comfortable then to take risks and maybe fail. Money is hard and I've never made good money so I never will. Making friends is hard. I'm just not interesting enough or have enough to contribute to attract friends. I don't want to look stupid or be judged so I'd rather hangout in the background and not say much. If I speak up, I'll sound dumb. Life is hard. I should just be grateful for what I have. I'm selfish for wanting more. Settling is safe."

Any of those sound familiar? 

So, no wonder I was stuck in a job I hated, struggled to make friends that I felt really saw me or liked me, couldn't support myself financially, was quiet, unsatisfied, unhappy, and full of self-doubt and fear. But, when I started to look at those stories and create new empowering stories that's when my life really changed! That's when I took a huge risk and bet on me and left all the jobs and decided to be a coach (which was the best decision ever), that's when I began my self-love journey and started showing up in life as my real, authentic self and effortlessly attracted in the most amazing friends who really got me (duh, I was actually letting them see me), that's when I started to dream big and make the dreams a reality!

So, I'm willing to bet that you have your fair share of beliefs running the show of your life that are responsible for those same damn patterns showing up again an again.

If you're ready to create your best life now then I invite you to start getting really familiar with the stories or beliefs that have been steering the ship thus far. Take back your power. Let me share this really easy tip that I have all my clients do right away that will support you in uncovering these stories.

Set a timer on your phone for every hour or two. It can have a simple message like, "how am I feeling? What are my thoughts?"

And, just become the non judgmental observer. Practice noticing with so much love and compassion for yourself as you become witness to your stories. No need to add blame and judgment on top of it!

This is the first step, Awareness. You can't change what you're not aware of.

Gaining the awareness is key and once you're aware you get the awesome opportunity of releasing and creating new self-loving and empowering stories to replace those worn out ones (more on that step coming soon!). 

Let me know how this supports you. Comment below and tell what stories and beliefs are you ready to let go? ​

so much love to you,

Shaina

​p.s. I have an exciting FREE offer that will support you in shifting 7 of the biggest blocks to your freedom.

Tapping into Freedom, is a FREE 7 day journey to radical self-love, acceptance, confidence, and your freedom.

CLICK HERE NOW TO SIGN UP!

Follow me on Instagram for weekly manifestation tips, inspiration, and a whole lotta love!

Your Focus May Be the Problem

I've gotta be real with you, over the past month or so, I’ve been really out of alignment.  Our world has been going through significant, important changes which I have been working to figure out my role in being a part of the change that is occurring, and dealing with my own personal frustrations too.

I've felt sad, frustrated, irritable, impatient, and discontent. And, the state of our world is definitely a part of that (mostly the grief part), but this email is speaking to what has been going on personally.  Because as the world is changing in big and hopeful ways, that we get to be a part of the solution, we also have our own personal lives that may need attention as well.   

This may be more relevant to you if you're a parent, but the underlying message will hit home regardless.  For the past month or so, I've been feeling so frustrated by the circumstances of my life as they have been. I was frustrated that my daughter had been home from school, that I had to be a home school teacher and will continue to be when 3rd grade starts, instead of being able to focus on my business, and being of service in a way that really fills my heart!!! And, I've felt super guilty for wishing my daughter was at school instead of home with me. I've been scattered all over the place trying to be with her, attempting to sneak away whenever I could to get some space, and to work on creating all that has been building and expanding within me. 

I've had to be very intentional over the past month of surrendering to what is. Surrendering to the circumstances that are before me now, trusting that everything is in perfect, divine timing. I've had to keep coming back to my heart, back to my intention, which is to always be the embodiment of unconditional love, support, and acceptance. To be the light. Because, I'm very aware that if I'm feeling resentment towards having to be with my daughter, if I'm not wanting to be with her, if I'm discontent with the fact that she's home, you better believe she feels that. Our energy is that powerful. And, I never want my daughter to feel unwanted, unloved, or like a burden.

So, I keep getting to choose to shift my perspective. To find all the reasons (and there are so many) that I'm so appreciative to have this time with her. She's such an amazing teacher of full self expression, of joy, of play, of so much goodness. I keep getting to choose to surrender to what is, instead of fighting against it. 

The more we fight against anything, the more energy we bring to it, thus attracting more of the same.

If I want to experience more time freedom, if I want to have more space for myself and the things I want to do, then I get to stop fighting against what is. Instead, I get to focus on what I want. I get to appreciate what I have. I get to create the space and the freedom while also thoroughly enjoying and being present for my daughter when we are together.

So, my beautiful friend, if you've found yourself fighting against anything in your life right now. If you've found yourself focused on your problems, rather then what you want, then let me lovingly remind you that it will only create more of what you don't want.

To truly change your reality, to create the life you DO want, it's important that you appreciate your now. The more you can focus on what is good in your life, the more you can focus on the all areas that make you feel gratitude, joy, love, appreciation, the more you will raise your vibration, and create the change you want. But, you can't create the change you are looking for by focusing on the problem, on what you don't want. Because it's all about your energy, it's all about how you feel, and if you're focused on the problem and all that isn't working then you are guaranteed to be in a low vibration. You are guaranteed to be feeling all the low vibe emotions of frustration, resentment, blame, anger, impatience, etc. and from that resonance you can only attract in things that match those low vibes.

But, when you start to focus on the solution. When you start to focus on what you do want. When you turn your attention and awareness to what feels good, what you are grateful and appreciative for, what makes you feel joyful, and happy, then you are automatically raising your vibration. And, from that state of elevated frequency, you will attract things that match that vibration. You will begin to create more of what you do want.

The concept is so simple, but in real life, it's a practice.

When you find yourself focused on your problems say, "thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you for this awareness so that I may choose again." Give yourself so much love and compassion for being all of you in your humanness and choose again.

Begin to ask yourself

How can I surrender even more to what is right now?

If I know I am the Source of my experience, then what can I now turn my attention to in my life right now that feels good? That will bring me more joy, that I appreciate and feel grateful for?

How can I see the gift in the now? The opportunity for growth, learning, expansion?

How can I bring unconditional love, support, and acceptance to me and my life right now?

What is it that I do want?

How can I shift my perception and beliefs to reaffirm what I do want?

What actions can I take right now towards what I want?

You always have a chose of how you feel, what you think, and how you respond to life. You are the Source of your experience. And, you get to create your most magnificent life! Are you focused on problems or the solutions? Are you focused on what you don't like about your life or on what you want? Are you stuck in the same old patterns of thinking and habits that are creating the same old life or are you taking inspired action towards the life you want?

Every new moment is a chance to choose again. Every moment is a chance to move towards your best life!

I'm over here remembering, recommitting to my intention and how I choose to live, and jumping back on track to my most magnificent life!

so much love to you,

Shaina

p.s. GRAB YOUR COPY OF THE TOP 10 TIPS TO CREATING YOUR BEST LIFE, HERE

The journey from surviving to thriving

I was remembering recently how much my life has changed over the past few years.  I was remembering how only 5 years ago I felt so lost.  I felt like I had completely disappeared from my own life, like my life wasn't about me at all.  I was just going through the motions, settling for a "good enough" life while feeling totally unfulfilled and like a deep part of myself was missing.  I certainly wasn't really happy, although I of course had moments of happiness, I hadn't experienced true joy, deep internal joy for A LONG time.  I was desperately searching for my purpose, for more meaning, for answers of what was going to "fix" me or make me feel better.  And, I was so afraid I would never find it.  That I would always be living a "just okay" life, but with that feeling that something was missing, that my life was supposed to be so much bigger, and with a deep aching in my heart.

What I didn't know then, but I learned through this beautiful spiritual/Soul journey I have been on was that that aching in my heart was my Soul calling to me.  My highest Soul self was calling to be seen, to be witnessed, wanting to be heard, wanting to be remembered.

She was urging me to come home.  To remember my truth.  To remember who I really was.  Remember my own divine power and intelligence that lives within me. 

This beautiful journey back to myself is how I got to experience deep, lasting joy again.

Connecting to Source and my own light brought me meaning. 

Remembering that I am NOT a victim to my circumstances, but actually the divine, infinite co-creator of my life, returned me to my power.

Loving myself, remembering my inherent worthiness, and continuing to tune inwards rather then outwards, allowed me to reconnect to my own inner knowing and intuition.  

And, what I have come to understand to be true is that our purpose in this life is to embody love.  To remember our own divinity, to reconnect to Source and Divine Consciousness that lives within us and all around us, always supporting us and guiding us towards our highest good. 

Our purpose is to be the light, to embody love, and to help heal the collective by first healing and loving ourselves. 

What is more meaningful and purposeful then that?

Before I embarked on this path, I was basically a walking head.  Constantly overthinking, worrying, future tripping, doing what I was told, what I thought I was supposed to do, following all the rules, and I was empty, a shadow self, a sheep.

Through this beautiful journey I've come back into my body. I've opened my heart. I've nurtured a relationship to Self, to my Soul, to Source. 

And, when I started to honor me, my desires, my wants, me needs, my happiness, that's when I began to come back to life. 

When I I dove even deeper into the mindset work, energy work, deconstructing old programming and conditioning, releasing the stuck emotions and energy from my past, reconnecting to my truth and authenticity, and my own divine nature, that's when I began to thrive!

When I began to listen to and trust my own inner knowing, my intuition, my Soul wisdom, instead of what everyone else told me was right, true, responsible, attractive, the way it "should" be, my life became my own again.

I feel so much gratitude, joy, love, more confidence, more inner trust, strength, power, connection.  I feel alive again!  And, my life has far surpassed what I thought was ever possible for me!

That is the beauty of this work.  That is the beauty of remembrance and coming home to yourself.

If this resonates with you and you are feeling the call to rise up, if you are feeling the call of coming home to yourself, to releasing the fear, self-doubt, and smallness so that you can step into your next level self, your Soul self, and create a life you absolutely love, then I am here for you. 

That is why I created Her Life Reclaimed, my signature 1:1 program, to teach what I have done to transform my life.  It is an amazing program and I am so thrilled and honor to work with amazing women who are ready and motivated to up-level their life in the most beautiful and impactful way!  Just reply to this email for more information on Her Life Reclaimed, if you're interested!

And, you can jump start your journey right now by grabbing your free copy of the TOP 10 TIPS TO RECLAIM YOUR LIFE, HERE.

with so much love and light,

Shaina

#1 way to experience more joy

Let me ask you​... when's the last time you really put yourself first?

I mean truly prioritized your happiness, your desires, your needs before everyone else?

And, if you have, were you able to do it without massive guilt?

I struggled with this for most of my adult life.  I felt selfish if I 'asserted' my own needs.  I avoided confrontation at all costs, I was the ultimate people pleaser, and worked to fit in rather then honor myself, all in a desperate attempt to be liked, loved, and accepted.  And, I had a belief (as many of us have been programmed to believe) that to be accepted and to feel loved, I had to bend and flow to the needs and desires of everyone else.

This is the way so many women go through life.  We have been taught to put ourselves last.  To be quiet, meek, selfless, to sacrifice, to put ourselves last.  We live this way until we finally hit a tipping point where we realize we have totally disappeared from our own lives.  That we have morphed, bent, contorted, stretched to be everything for everyone else that we've lost ourselves.

This was where my own spiritual journey began.  One day I looked in the mirror and realized that I didn't even know who I was anymore.  I felt like a shell, a shadow, going through the motions of life, but not really living.  I had pretty debilitating anxiety that seemed to control my life.  I was parenting my young daughter, taking care of my terminally ill mother, working, and managing my household.  I was in a job I hated, but had accepted as 'good enough.'  My marriage was rocky. I felt like I was drowning. I was lost and their was an emptiness inside me.

And, to say the least, there was no joy.

I had no idea what brought me joy.  I was desperately desiring to feel joy, happiness, fulfillment, passion, purpose in my life and I kept looking outside myself to find it.  But, what I quickly learned was to truly find, cultivate, and feel true joy I had to journey back to myself.

True joy comes from within!

To experience real, lasting joy you get to claim space in your own life.  You get to prioritize your own needs, your own desires, your own wants! 

You get to choose you!

You get to reconnect to yourself.  Create and nurture a relationship with yourself. Show yourself that you honor, value, and believe you are worthy of taking up space. 

And, I'll be honest, it can be an uncomfortable process at first.  Whenever you step out of your comfort zone, when you start pushing against the edges of the status quo, when you start to put yourself in the equation of your own life in a way that the people in your life aren't used to, it will likely ruffle some feathers. 

That's okay! Allow the discomfort to be there. It's a necessary step in reclaiming your life.  Then start to get curious.  Start tuning into your own inner knowing, your own intuition, your highest Soul Self and ask, "what do I want? What would make me happy? What lights me up? What would fill me with joy?

Start making your relationship to yourself your top priority. 

Start speaking up about what you want, what you need. And, start intentionally and consciously doing things every single day that fill you up, that make you happy.  Start getting selfish about feeling good!

This is how you begin to create true, lasting joy... by showing yourself you believe in your own worth and love yourself. By choosing you.  By beginning to believe that your happiness, your desires, your wants, your needs, matter just as much as anyone else's. 

And, start to consider your wants, desires, and need every single day and when making any decisions.  Before saying 'yes' to others, ask yourself, "is this honoring and loving to me? Will this bring me joy and feel good to do? Does this feel in alignment to my truth and highest self?"

So, I invite you to start getting curious.  How often are you prioritizing yourself in your life? Pull out your journal and free write on these questions:

1. What would my life look life if I prioritized my own happiness?

2. What would I do differently then I am doing now?

3. How can I bring more joy into my life?

4. What do I really want?

5. What is the little voice inside of me whispering to me? What do I really desire?

6. And, what stories, resistance, or beliefs come up when I start considering prioritizing myself in my life?

Tell me where you are struggling most to take up space in your life.  What stories or resistance come up for you when you think about prioritizing your own happiness?

And, download my free guide, TOP 10 TIPS TO RECLAIM YOUR LIFE to start creating your best life now!

so much love and light to you,

Shaina

Follow me on Instagram or Facebook for weekly manifestation tips, inspiration, and a whole lotta love!

3 Steps to Owning Your Story So You Can Let Go of Hustling for Your Worthiness

“You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” Bréne Brown

I used to stand so far outside my story so ashamed about what it meant about me that I was constantly hustling to feel worthy, to feel lovable, and to try and “fit in.”

It was exhausting and it was lonely.

And, it never worked!

It was only when I decided that I was not going to let my history, my story, define me that I was able to take my power back.

I realized that I get to choose whether or not I was going to live forever burdened by the shame of it or if I was going to own the facts about my history, but without letting those facts define who I was as a person or hold any weight on whether or not it meant I had worth as a human being.

You see... our pasts, our stories, are only significant because of the meaning we choose to give them.

When I finally decided to own my story I was able to create a new meaning for myself.  No longer was I the unworthy, forever damaged, and unlovable person that had to always try so hard to be “good enough.”

No, I got to choose how I let it define me. I got to rewrite the ending of my story…

I got to see the struggles and the traumas that I have been through as gifts.  They have allowed me to be strong, resilient, compassionate, and passionate about supporting others who I know have suffered too.  They have brought me to my calling of supporting others to no longer be victims to their past and their stories so that they can truly reclaim their lives and themselves again from a place of true compassion and understanding.

I’m now so grateful for all that I have been through and truly see it as a blessing.

What a truly miraculous, life changing experience it was to release all the shame and own my story and who I am with compassion and love!

Are you still hustling to prove your worth? Or, are you ready to walk inside your story and OWN it?

If you’re ready to take your power back learn my 3 step process to write a new amazing ending to your story!

3 Steps to Owning Your Story

What is your story?

What is a story from your past that causes you the most shame?  For me, it was the fact that both my parents were addicts. As a baby, my mom left me because she was addicted to heroin and couldn’t take care of me anymore.  This caused me a deep, deep level of shame and a belief at my core that I was unlovable, not good enough, and damaged goods. I could never possibly tell anyone about this because then they would know the “truth” about me.  They would know that I was fundamentally flawed!

This is the first part of owning your story-- acknowledging it and writing it down. There is power in writing.  When we put pen to paper and write our truth we start to take some of OUR power back. It’s when we hold it in, hide it, let it fester, that these stories end up controlling our lives.

So, grab a pen, some paper, and acknowledge your shame story.  Write it down.

What’s True?

How much of your story is fact and how much have you created for yourself? What parts of your story are you allowing to define you? The shame comes not by the truth of our past, but by the meaning we’ve created about it. 

It’s a fact that my mom left me when I was a baby because she was addicted to heroin and couldn’t take care of me.  

The meaning I created was that because of that I am unlovable, unworthy, and deeply damaged.

Do you see how we do that?  We are always trying to make meaning of the things that have happened during our lives and we often come to the conclusion that we’re the reason bad things happened. We take it personally, and use the facts to define ourselves in a negative way.

It’s time to look at your story and piece apart what’s true and what’s not.  What are the facts and what is the meaning you created around those facts. When we’re able to see the difference here and separate the facts from the story, that’s when we’re empowered to create a new story.  To create new meaning.

Find The Gift in Your Story

You get to choose what your story means!  Why not find the beauty and gift in it? What about your past has allowed you to be who you are today? What gift did your past give you?

I realized that my story allowed me to know what deep shame feels like, it allowed me to be more understanding and compassionate for people (because we all have stories), it allowed me to be the strong and resilient.  It allowed me to learn that self-love is the key to my worthiness and allowed me the ability to let go of needing to be liked and approved of by everyone else because I love and approved of myself. And, it ultimately led me to be incredibly passionate about supporting women in owning their stories and taking back their power so that they can love themselves and create their lives on purpose! 

What is the gift in your story?

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p.s. I have an exciting, new FREE offer that will support you in shifting 7 of the biggest blocks to your freedom. Tapping into Freedom, is a FREE 7-day tapping journey to radical self-love, acceptance, confidence, and your freedom.

CLICK HERE NOW TO SIGN UP now and receive 7 pre-recorded videos right to your inbox!

​It’s about time to kick the 'good girl' to the curb!

As women we have been conditioned from a very young age to be 'good girls'. And, being a “good girl” means you’re meek, quiet, reserved, polite, giving of yourself, you do what you’re told, you’re nice, selfless, and don’t take up too much space.

How dare the good girl be loud and bold.

How dare the good girl claim her desires and dreams with passion and enthusiasm.

How dare the good girl outshine anyone.

How dare the good girl put herself first.

Women, as a collective, have been shamed for far too long for pushing against the confines of the good girl box we have been shoved into for millennium.

And, it’s my mission to lead a revolution of women in taking back their power, reclaiming their lives, and unapologetically stepping into who they truly are with confidence.

It’s time to break out of the box!

So, Let me ask you…

If you weren’t afraid of what other people would think, say, or do what would you do?

How are you pleasing others and playing the role of 'good girl' in your life?

It’s time to let go of the forced confines of the “good girl” identity! It’s time to boldly let go of anyone else’s opinions, or what they might think or say about you and proudly own who you are and what you want from life!

So, if you’re ready here are 3 ways to kick the 'good girl' to the curb and take back your power!

Don’t Dim Your Light For Anyone

We tend to not want to shine too brightly in fear that we might make someone else feel bad. F that!  I actually did experience this in my own life when a friend became really uncomfortable with my personal growth and expansion and the fact that I was taking big actions towards my dreams. And, instead of shrinking back down to ease her discomfort,  I lovingly held space for her to share her feelings about it. I let her have her feelings without making it my responsibility to make her feel better. I didn’t allow myself to feel shame or guilt because my bigness was making her feel uncomfortable and here’s why. Because I was living big and taking huge leaps to follow my dreams and desires, I helped shine a light on her own complacency and dissatisfaction in her own life, and although that was uncomfortable for her, it also allowed her to see what was possible. It gave her permission and inspiration to make her own big changes, which she did! Had I shrunk down in order for her to not have to confront her own dissatisfaction it would have been a HUGE disservice to both of us.  

Own What You Want Loudly and Proudly

This is your one life in this human form! You came here to experience life to the fullest.  You came here to live big, feel tremendous joy, and create a beautiful life, so own it! I was talking to a woman today who’s a part of my monthly women’s group and she shared with me that she felt embarrassed in our last group when she spoke passionately about her biggest desire. She felt like it wasn’t okay to be proud or passionate about something.  It wasn’t okay to take up space in that way. Women are supposed to live quietly, satisfied with their lot in life, and tending to the needs of others. I call bs on all of that! Own what you want! Be an example to all the other women in the world who have desires, but are too afraid to speak them out loud. Let them see what is possible! You are worthy and deserving of all that you desire and it’s okay to have desires! It’s okay to be passionate about life and what you want. Own it!

No More People Pleasing

It’s time to stop taking care of everyone else’s needs, putting everyone else first, and god forbid we make someone upset with us or think badly about us for not doing what they want.  We’ve been so indoctrinated to please, please, please. But, if our cup isn’t full, how can we possibly serve those around us? What it will end up doing is breeding resentment and animosity for the people who seem to take, take, take. But, girl you have to stop giving, giving, giving.  Stop giving if it means sacrificing yourself and depleting yourself. And, understand, people pleasing really stems from a place of fear- fear of not being liked, fear of being judged, fear of being rejected. We are hardwired for connection and belonging, but it seems that somewhere along the way we have mistaken that by pleasing others it means we’ll be liked.  And, being liked isn’t the goal! Being liked doesn’t create connection and true belonging. Being seen does! And, if you’re a people pleaser you’re not truly being seen. 

I would love to hear from you, let me know how the 'good girl' shows up in your life? Tell me what you would do, if you weren't afraid of what other people would think, say, or feel about your deepest desires?​

with so much love to you,

Shaina

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5 Ways to Create More Time for the Things That Really Matter

Does this sound familiar....

​You wake up and your first thoughts are, “I have so much to do.” You quickly hop out of bed hoping you can at least get the coffee going before the kids wake up. Because the minute they wake up, you’re in the hustle.

Then you’ve got breakfast to make, lunches to make, bags to pack, the tortuous task of getting them ready, then you’re out the door. You drop the kids off with a kiss and a wave and then you’re on your way to work.  You spend another day behind your desk in a job that doesn’t light you up, but it’s “good enough.” You make it through the day hoping that you’ll have time to sneak out a little early so you can run that quick errand before you’ve gotta go pick up the kids.  You grab the kids, head home, and it’s straight to making dinner, feeding the family, cleaning up the mess, homework, baths, and bedtime.

And, if you don’t fall asleep putting them to bed, then you plop on the couch to watch a show or two on Netflix that you kinda like before passing out…

You head to bed and as you fall asleep you’re thinking, “what happened to my life. There is so much more I want to do, but how can I possibly fit in anything else?” You’re yearning for more, for a bigger life, to FEEL more alive, but you feel discouraged because you don’t know how you can manage any more.

Heck, you would be happy if you could just fit in an hour to devote to your passion project, or that knitting project you've been dying to do, maybe it’s just getting time to dig into a really good book.  

Or, maybe it’s big…

Maybe it’s creating the business you’ve been dreaming of for years.  Maybe it’s finding the time to fit in studying so that you can confidently take that class you’ve been wanting to take for so long, the one that’s going to be the jumping off point for the next chapter of your life.

Maybe it’s just carving out an hour a day to just be, for self-care, connection, space to breath.

Whatever it is, you deserve it! 

And, you’re going to have to create the time to make it happen!  You are going to have to make what you really want a priority enough to fit it into your days!

But, don’t worry I got you! 

Here Are 5 Ways to Create More Time for the Things That Really Matter

Check Your Priorities

I am someone who really likes to have a clean house, it has been commented often about how “tidy and neat” my house is even with a small child.  I feel better in a clean and organized space. And, what I found is that my first priority was always cleaning my house and then I had little time left in my day after all the hustle and “life” things that I didn’t end up having any time for me.  There came a point where I had that “a-ha” moment and decided that I was making my house more of a priority then my happiness and immediately made a switch. I now put blinders on when I need to in order to focus on what I truly want to be doing and I illicit more help around the house then I ever did in the past.  This brings me to my second point. Are you making everyone else’s needs, wants, and comforts more of a priority then your own? You gotta check that girl! If you don’t prioritize your own happiness and filling your own cup first then you will not be showing up for yourself or the people you love in the way that you really want to.  The best gift you can give your family and the people that you love is your own happiness. So make it a priority!

Inventory Your Days

Often, when my clients come to me and tell me that they don’t have time to fit everything in or feel overwhelmed by their to-do list, I invite them to do an inventory of their days.  And, if you’re feeling this you to do this simple exercise- track your days for the next two days in a row... write down everything you do from the moment you wake up to when you go to bed.  It’s without fail that my clients find times throughout their days that they are engaged in habits that aren’t supporting them or the life they want to create (cue FB scrolling and Netflix bingeing).  It’s such a good way to to gain awareness of how you’re actually spending your time and what you can let go of to create even more time for the things that are actually going to fill you up and make you feel good.

Plan Your Week and Days

Choose a day to map out your week and put all your tasks into your calendar (I love the passion planner), and make sure you schedule in the stuff you actually want to do.  Give yourself at minimum a ½ an hour or even better an hour every day to devote to what you really want to do, whether it’s diving into a good book, your morning routine, or working on your side business or passion project.  Schedule it into your calendar. Then if you get the passion planner (here’s a link to the 1 I have), take all the stuff from your week and schedule it in day by day. I literally schedule my days hour by hour. Write in each day of your calendar that ½ an hour or hour a day that is solely devoted to things things you really want to do, that are going to fill your cup, and move you closer to feeling your best.

Make Your Calendar Your Boss

Whatever you write in your calendar you do.  Yes, there will, of course, be times that you aren’t able to get to everything you’ve written into your day done, things come up.  That’s okay, don’t beat yourself up. Just find a place to add what you missed into the next day or week. 

Give Yourself Reasonable Expectations

This goes hand in hand with the last point. If you over schedule your days then you are going to increase your level of overwhelm and feel unsuccessful because you jammed yourself to full.  You want to create a reasonable schedule for yourself that supports you in feeling successful and reduces your sense of overwhelm. Only give yourself a few tasks a day (beyond your regular routine) that you really want to get to and make one of those your personal hour that is non-negotiable!

Get Up Earlier (BONUS)

If you’re a mom like me then you have very little “free” and alone time.  That is why I get up 2 hours before my daughter. That gives me 2 hours to do whatever I want (which is mostly my morning routine/self care stuff).  If getting up 2 hours earlier sounds crazy hard then start with 30 minutes. And, if you are really resistant to the idea of getting up early because “you’re a night owl” and like staying up late, but all you end up doing at night is binge watch Netflix, then I invite you to go back to point 1 and check your priorities.  Go to bed a little earlier so that you can get up earlier! Or, if you are legitimately​ your best at night then make sure you take time after the fam has gone to bed to do whatever it is that fills you up in your personal hour. The TV turns on only after you’ve done the things that truly matter to you.  

Finding the time and not getting overwhelmed by your life and schedule is a real thing for everyone!  Just recently, I was really feeling it and stressing about how I was going to get everything done that I wanted to do and then I realized, 'oh wait....I know what to do!" I put all of these practices back in place that I had slowly let go off and, Voila! I feel more calm, more productive, and more in purpose!

I hope you find the same to be true for you too.  I am betting you will if you truly take this 5 ways to heart and really implement them into your life!  I would love to hear how it works for you!  

with so much love,

Shaina

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How to Create Unwavering Confidence

One of the reasons that I struggled to step fully into my highest self, step fully into the life I know I was meant to live, and desired to create was because l lacked Confidence.

I believed confidence was an innate characteristic that some people had, and I just didn’t have it in me.

But, here’s the truth Confidence is a choice.

It is within all of us and just needs to be developed and built up.

Maybe you’re desiring the confidence to walk into any room with your head held high and strike up a conversation with anyone.

Maybe you’re desiring the confidence to speak up at work and share your ideas.

Maybe you’re desiring the confidence to break out of the mold and let your real self be seen without the fear of judgment or rejection.

I get it.... I have desired all those things and so much more, but self-doubt and insecurity kept me small for a really long time...

You see, we tend to forge beliefs about ourselves based on negative experiences we have had in the past and they keep us from living into our full potential. But, these experiences are in your past. You do not need to let them define you and become your future. You get to choose who you are NOW, and the life you want to live. You can choose now to see yourself as worthy, capable, and deserving!

You can create an unwavering CONFIDENCE in yourself NOW!

Here’s How:

1. Think of an area in your life that you have felt too afraid to pursue or go for. Where in your life have you lacked the confidence to to show up fully?

(example: I lack the confidence to show up fully in new social situations, I feel anxious and like I will have nothing to say.)

2. Write down the negative beliefs or conclusions you have created about yourself in this area.

(example: I am not good at small talk. People aren’t going to like more or they are going to judge me because I am awkward when I’m in new social situations. I don’t know how to talk to people.)

3. Create new empowering affirmations that are the opposite of these negative beliefs.

(example: I am an awesome communicator. I can walk into any room with my head held high and talk to anyone with ease. I believe it’s easy and fun to be in new social situations.) 4. Write out a new, positive, empowering scenario where you are taking this area of your life by the horns! Where you are showing up fully, in your power, and fill this description with all the feel good feelings you want to experience.

(example: I see myself walking up to a group of people that are all chatting, my head is held high, my shoulders are back, I have a big smile on my face. I easily and confidently walk up to the group and join the conversation. They are excited and happy to have me join. I feel and ease and love being able to chat effortlessly with anyone. I am self-assured, confident, and joyful.)

5. Now visualize yourself in your new image. In this new, updated version of you. Imagine doing the thing that scares you and doing it beautifully. Our subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. This has been scientifically proven! If you spend 5-10 minutes every day vividly imagining yourself doing the thing that scares you and doing it really well. If you can see yourself really capable, and not only that, but also feeling good doing it, you will create it in your reality. Start to feel into the experience as if it’s happening right now. See yourself tackling whatever it is with confidence, excitement, enjoyment, joy, gratitude.

The more you do this, your subconscious mind will start to believe that it has happened, you will start to create new neural pathways, new emotions, and feelings around this area of your life.

You will create the confidence you need to go and do the thing!

Are you ready to commit to this practice? Commit to creating your life on your terms! You have the choice. What choice are you going to make?

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3 Ways to Create More Joy In Your Life

I used to get so frustrated when I heard Influencers talk about the importance of joy.  They would say lean into joy more, be more joyful, do the things that bring you joy. And, at the time, it would drive me crazy because (and I’ll be really honest with you) I had NO idea what brought me joy.  I was so disconnected from myself, disconnected from who I truly was, that I had forgotten what joy was to me.

Life had become about the to-do’s, about my responsibilities.  I had been consumed by my identities as a mother, wife, employee, daughter, caretaker, and manager of life, that I had lost the most important identity, myself.  I had lost my vibrancy and zest for life. I felt a bit overwhelmed by all the adulting that joy was not on the top of my priority list!

And, it’s not to say that I never had fun. My life by no means was terrible or depressing.  My life was pretty good actually, but did I laugh every day? No! Did I spend time intentionally creating space to consider what brought me joy? No! Did I carve out time daily or on a very regular basis to do the things that lit my soul up? No!

I was not taking the time to intentionally connect to joy in my life.  

Hell, I wasn’t taking the time to intentionally connect to myself!

So, if this at all resonates with you and you’re desiring to feel more joy in your life then I got you! 

3 Ways to Create More Joy​​

Make Yourself a Joy List

Create a list of the things that light you up, that bring you to life, that make your spirit sing and commit to doing something on that list every week, or even better every single day! 

Things on my list are: walking on the beach, feeling the sun on my face, singing my heart out in the car (where no one else has to hear me ;)), dancing with my daughter, my morning routine, deep-soul conversations, yoga, hiking, laughing.

Some of these I do every single day and some of these I do as often as I can, but I am intentional about making sure my days always have moments of joy! 

Embrace the Beauty and Magic that is Only You

This one is absolutely essential to create real, lasting joy.  Because real joy truly is an internal state. Real joy is when you 100% love and accept yourself and show up authentically for life. This level of deep joy comes when you finally let go of caring about whatever anyone else thinks of you.  When you finally let your true self be seen. When you love and accept yourself exactly as you are and no longer are trying to “fit in” or mold yourself to someone else’s standards or expectations. This level of self acceptance, deep self-love, and stepping into your truth is where true joy lies.  This is when no matter what the circumstances, no matter what people say about you or to you, no matter what, you still feel a deep sense of joy. It’s a feeling you have that is unrelated to anything external, any outside circumstances. It’s a deep, rich, fullness from within.

Listen to the Whisper of Your Heart

We all have a deep calling in life. Something that we know we’re meant to bring to the world.  It is different for everyone, but we all have a purpose for being on this earth. For me, it’s helping women reclaim their lives and step into their greatness, for others it may be nursing by helping people feel safe and comforted when in distress, it may be painting, it may be motherhood, it may be bringing more laughter into the world through art, it may be underwater basket weaving.  Whatever it is, there is a whisper in your heart calling you forward to step into your fullest potential, step into your purpose.  And, I know from experience that you might not be sure what it is.  I spent so many years trying to “find it,” but now I know it was always there, I just wasn’t ready to listen.  But, when you bravely listen to that whisper of your heart and take bold action to become the person you are meant to become in this life, there is no greater joy.

I am so pumped and excited for you to step into your greatness! Imagine your life and how it will feel when you show up 100% authentically and true to yourself, when you love yourself deeply and know your worth, when you feel your most confident, when you feel in purpose, when you are feeling joy every single day, when you feel fully alive again! 

Are you Ready???

Reach out to me if you’re ready to experience your next level of life and step into your most confident, empowered, joy-filled self!