How to overcome guilt so you can love the life you're living
Raise your hand 👋 if you’ve felt guilty about wanting more for yourself, more for your life?
Almost every woman I’ve worked with has struggled with feeling guilty about taking time for herself, for wanting more for herself, her life then just being a mother, for wanting more space, more free time, for wanting to take care of herself, to prioritize her own happiness, her own desires, her own dreams.
But, they tell themselves….
~ “A good mom would always put her kids first”
~ “If I take this time for myself even though my kids want me to play, then I am being selfish and my kids will feel unloved”
~ “It’s not fair to ask my partner for more help around the house and with the kids, they work hard all week and I don’t want put them out.
~ “A good friend would say yes to helping out her friend even though I feel exhausted and depleted and need more support myself. I don’t want her to not like me.”
~ “I’m a bad mom if I choose to go back to work instead of staying home (all the other moms will judge me).”
There are a million stories and beliefs that keep us feeling guilty for wanting to prioritize ourselves. And, it makes sense, we’ve been conditioned from a very young age that we receive the love, acceptance, and value that we desire by making others happy, by taking care of their needs, by adapting ourselves to their standards, by giving all of ourselves to others.
It’s this programming that fuels the feelings of guilt which keeps us stuck in the same patterns of people pleasing and putting ourselves last. And, then we go through life feeling exhausted, drained, and resentful that our lives have nothing to do with us (and then we feel guilty for feeling that way).
To release the guilt and create a new belief for yourself that you are worthy and deserving of taking care of yourself, prioritizing your happiness, and filling your own cup, you must first uncover and unlearn the beliefs hidden within your subconscious mind.
One of the most powerful and effective tools to do just that is EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting work. Through tapping you can get right to the core of when those beliefs were formed and gently release them from your energy system. By releasing them from your body and mind (your energy field) you’ve freed yourself from being unconsciously driven by these underlying beliefs.
My clients have experienced profound shifts in themselves from doing this work...
~ finally feel good about speaking up for what they want and prioritizing their needs (by releasing a deep childhood belief that they were selfish)
~having a spontaneous knowing of her life direction and calling (after releasing childhood trauma from her system)
~feeling comfortable and confident with creating clear boundaries with her family (by doing deep work to unlearn her feeling of lack of worthiness and value within her family system)
~feeling hopeful, energized, and excited about her next level in her career and a faith that she can succeed and her family’s needs can be taken care of (releasing a belief that it had to be one or the other, and instilling a deeper sense of self-belief and a value in her gifts and what she has to offer the world)
This is just a few of the many shifts that have happened for my clients doing this work, but one of the foundational shifts that must be made is feeling worthy and loving yourself enough to know that you deserve to be happy, to take care of yourself, to fill your own cup!
And... that there's room for you to do that AND be able to be there for the people you love. In fact, I 1000% believe that you must prioritize yourself and your happiness, it’s the only way that you can truly show up for the people in your life that you love from an energy of abundance, joy, love, and presence.
And, right now, I have an incredible FREE offer, TAPPING INTO FREEDOM, a 7-day tapping journey to radical self-love, acceptance, confidence and your freedom.
Day 4 is all about releasing this guilt!
Sign up HERE to receive 7 pre-recorded tapping videos that will support you in reprogramming your mind and body so that you can experience more freedom, confidence, peace, self-love, and joy in your life!
9 ways you might be apologizing for who you really are
As young children most of us have been taught that who we are is not okay. We’ve been conditioned that we must show up a certain way in order to be loved. To get our parents attention, to be accepted by the peer group, to feel loved... we learned to please.
We learned to change our natural state of being, our true essence in order to be accepted.
That means when we wanted to be angry, we learned to push it down, when we wanted to play, be loud, and jump off the couches, we learned to play quietly with our toys instead, when we wanted to wear our favorite ‘crazy’ outfit or dye our hair, we learned that wasn’t appropriate.
And, here’s the thing, our parents didn’t actually have to say anything outrightly negative or mean to us to internalize that something was wrong with us...
When we were told we were wrong... we heard we’re stupid.
When we were told not right now... we heard you’re not important.
When we were told to go change... we heard don’t honor yourself.
When we were told to be quiet... we heard our voice doesn’t matter.
When we were told what we were doing was “too much...” we heard we’re too much.
So, we learned very early how to adapt ourselves to get the love, acceptance, and attention we desired and required.
The problem is that most of us haven’t unlearned all those rules put upon us. Deep within our subconscious we are still operating from the same belief system we developed as a child in order to survive and thrive. We were never taught to question those beliefs or to even be aware that they exist. We were never taught that as an adult we have a choice of whether we continue to operate from that faulty programming or whether we create a new reality for ourselves.
So, the majority of us continue to morph, change, adapt, and dim ourselves in an unconscious attempt to be loved and accepted.
The problem with this is that when we attempt to get love and acceptance from others outside of ourselves, we are choosing not to love and honor who we really are.
We are choosing to apologize over and over again for who we really are.
We’re not apologizing with our words, NO… we’re apologizing with our actions. We’re apologizing every time we don’t honor our truth, our voice, our desires, our uniqueness, our allness.
Have you been apologizing for who you are?
Check out these 9 ways you might unconsciously be apologizing for who you are
1. You say yes, when you really want to say no
2. You don't speak your truth because you’re afraid of being judged (your opinions, your parenting style, your diet, your spirituality, your politics, your beliefs, your past, etc…)
3. You dress in a way that you think will be accepted rather than what feels good and fun for you (hint… I’m too old to wear that, that’s too sexy, the other mom’s don’t dress like this)
4. You feel guilty for taking time for yourself
5. You don’t celebrate your wins because you don’t want to make anyone feel bad about where their at
6. You don’t share your dreams because you’re afraid what other people will think
7. You don’t ask for support because you don’t want to put anyone else out
8. You dim yourself to make others feel better
9. You choose to hide any part of your truest self, reinforcing the belief that you’re not good enough as you are, that something is wrong with you
Do any of those sound familiar? The list is hardly exhaustive, I could go on and on, but I think you can see what I mean.
So, here’s your invitation to get curious…
I invite you to pull out your journal and free write on the following questions-
~~How would I act, what would I say, who would I be, if I wasn’t afraid of being judged or rejected?
~~What parts of myself do I dislike? Why? Where did I learn that these were not okay?
~~What was I told as a little girl that I was “too much of” or “not enough of?”
The truth is that all of who you are is perfect, whole, worthy, and complete right now in this moment. And, the parts of you that you’re denying are desperately wanting to be loved and acknowledged. I think of them like little toddlers tantruming and causing a fuss inside our system because they just want to be seen, heard, witnessed, and loved.
Once you've done the journaling, I invite you to have a conversation with your little girl. All of us have a little girl inside. She’s really the one so terrified of being rejected, of being unlovable. Close your eyes, place a hand on your heart, and check in with your sweet little girl. Ask her how she’s feeling. What does she need to hear? How can you give her the love, attention, nurturing, and compassion that she (you) seeks?
This inner child exercise can be as brief as five minutes or how ever long feels good for you to take. As adults we get to parent ourselves, we get to love and honor our little girl inside, we get to learn to love and accept all of who we really are.
The you that isn’t limited by fear, that isn’t limited by the old rules of survival. The you that is 100% embodied in the unique, divine, magical spirit that she is.
It starts with de-storying all of the old beliefs and programming and choosing a new story that empowers who you really are, who you’ve always meant to be.
You’re all grown up now, you get to choose whether or not you’ll continue to be constrained by those old limitations based on fear or if you’ll give yourself the freedom to be fully expressed in your allness.
I would love to hear how these exercises go for you? What did you discover about yourself? What are you ready to shift in order to feel confident in owning who you really are? Reply to this email and let me know!
p.s. I have an exciting, new FREE offer that will support you in shifting 7 of the biggest blocks to your freedom. Tapping into Freedom, is a FREE 7 day journey to radical self-love, acceptance, confidence, and your freedom. CLICK HERE NOW TO SIGN UP and receive 7 pre-recorded tapping videos that will support you in recoding and reprograming your mind and body so that you can experience more ease, peace, love, forgiveness, and joy in your life!
3 mindset shifts that will get you UNSTUCK
If you want to feel excited about life and feel like you have control over what your life looks like then you have to start with the internal work.
One of my clients had a huge a-ha moment when she started to dive into our work together. She said, ‘I didn’t realize how much I had resigned myself to a life of drudgery.’ Before our work, she hadn’t realized that she actually could change the way she felt, could change the way her life felt. She didn’t realize how much her own mindset and energy was impacting her life AND that she had the power to do something about it.
She believed that since she chose to be a wife and mom, and this is what her life looked like as a wife and mom (catering to her kids every need, not putting her husband out by asking for time for herself, having sex when she didn’t really want to, taking care of all the household responsibilities because he works and she doesn’t #raisingyourkidsisafulltimejob), that she just had to deal with it. She should be grateful for what she had and suck it up and make the best out of life that didn’t satisfy her, but wasn’t terrible.
Man, had I been there before. Pushing down my feelings of dissatisfaction, not feeling really seen or valued, hopelessness, helplessness, and resignation.
Thinking, “is this really as good as it’s going to get?”
Wishing for more, but not seeing anyway to get it.
But, through laser coaching and tapping we were able to really look at the underlying beliefs and shed light on a new perspective, reprogramming her mindset to work for her rather than hold her back any longer. And, by the end of our work together, she no longer felt like she had to settle for a life of drudgery. In fact, her life had become full of joy, fulfillment, and freedom.
She stopped waiting for her life to magically change for the better one day and started to take responsibility for making the changes she desired. She stopped feeling guilty and like a bad mom and wife if she took the time she needed to fill her own cup, she started doing things that brought her more joy and fulfillment, she stopped worrying that if she prioritized her own happiness that it would negatively impact her family, she felt comfortable asking for support.
She learned to honor herself and in doing so not only did her life go from drudgery to joyful, but the relationships she worried would suffer because of it, actually got closer.
Here are 3 key mindset shifts that will help you reclaim your power and take back your life.
1. I need something or someone to change in order for me to feel better
I spent a lot of my life believing this. If only my boss wasn’t awful then I would love my job. If only my daughter was easier then I wouldn’t feel so stressed out. If only my husband was more open and communicative then I would be happier in my marriage. If only my childhood hadn’t been crappy then I would feel better about myself. If only I had a bigger house then I would feel like I fit in with the other moms. If only something changed…
then I would feel better.
Do you see how this way of thinking keeps you stuck playing the victim? If you continue to wait for something or someone to change in order for you to love your life, mama, you’re going to be waiting a long time. The only thing you have power over is yourself, and if you need everything outside of you to change in order to feel good then you’ve just given away all of your power.
What I know to be true is that in order for your outside circumstances to change, you have to change, meaning you have to take radical responsibility for your life. You have a choice in how you feel. You have a choice on how you perceive your life and what you focus on.
And, when you choose to shift your focus, when you choose to embody love, appreciation, and joy instead of anger, blame, stress, and self judgment, then your circumstances will change.
Your current circumstances are a reflection of your current and past vibration (your thoughts and emotions).
So, let me give you an example...
I had a job that I really didn’t like. It checked all the right boxes of income, hours, location, etc, but the work did not excite me. Plus, to top it off, I ended up with a boss that seemed to make it her mission to point out all my flaws. Initially, I thought that it was all my bosses fault. If she wasn’t awful I would enjoy my job. I wouldn’t dread having to go there everyday. I would do better at my work. But, then I came to the realization that of course I would hate my job, and of course, my boss would continue to pick on me if I continue to stay in the frame of mind everyday that my job sucked, that my boss was awful.
I was coding in the same vibration, the same neural pathways to create the same reality everyday that I woke up. But, when I made the conscious choice to shift my thinking about my boss and my job something amazing happened. I started to wake up everyday and send my boss loving thoughts. I walked into my work everyday in appreciation, thankful to have a job, thankful for the coworkers I loved, thankful for everything I had learned on this job, thankful with all the little bits that I appreciated. Before I had to interact with my boss I would send her loving thoughts. And, you know what happened, she stopped paying much attention to me at all AND within a month I had been recruited to a different department with a new boss and I didn’t have to interact with my old boss at all.
When I chose to no longer focus on the problem, the problem was removed from my reality. It could not exist when I no longer was a vibrational match to it.
Key takeaway here, no one or no thing has the power to make you feel anything unless you let them. You always have a choice and when you take radical responsibility for your life you have great power to effect change. Start to focus on what you want. Start to focus on the areas of your life that you appreciate. Change your focus, change your life!
2. You believe everything you hear in your head
We all have a judge and a victim in our head. The victim is the voice that tells us we have no power over our lives and what happens. The judge is filling us in on all the reasons why we’re bad, not good enough, undeserving, and not worthy.
Our judge is loud, authoritative, and mean. And, it’s been around so long we often listen to it without question. We believe everything it says.
Here’s how the judge shows up… You’ve decided you’re going to take some time for yourself, do a little self-care because you’re exhausted. The judge isn’t having any of that, "who do you think you are?"
The judge says, “you can’t take time for yourself, your kids need you, remember they cried last time you left, only bad mom’s leave their kids upset just to go to a yoga class. How selfish. They're going to think you don’t love them, they're going to feel abandoned. You’re going to harm your children just to do what you want? Why did you even have kids in the first place? Oh, you want to ask your partner for help? Well, they work all week long, they're tired after work. They deserve some free time on the weekend. You don’t work as hard as them, they deserve it more than you. All the other moms seem to be handling it better than you. You should be able to handle this. You wanted kids right? Now, you’re saying it’s too much? Suck it up, this is the life you asked for!”
Sound familiar?
The goal is not to demonize our judge, but to start to get curious? Is what it’s saying really true? Who says? Does the judge sound eerily familiar to someone else from your past… maybe a parent, or some other influential adult when you were a child?
It’s important to start gaining awareness of the judge in your head and no longer blindly accepting it’s voice as truth. It’s time to cultivate a new internal voice. The voice of your highest soul self, your intuition, your inner knowing that will guide you to a more self loving, honoring, and compassionate part of yourself. She is in there, but she tends to be a bit quieter. She tends to need a litte bit more intention to hear her, to cypher through the judge in order to get to the heart of what’s really true. And, that comes from becoming aware of the judge’s voice in the first place, not accepting it as the truth, questioning it, and listening for your true voice underneath. The voice that feels loving, kind, soft, supportive.
The one that will tell you, “of course, you are worthy and deserving of taking some time for yourself. You’re not hurting or damaging your children by taking time away. In fact, the more you replenish yourself, the more you fill your own cup with what brings you joy, the more present, patient, and connected you will be able to be with your kids. Parenting is a BIG job, it takes an incredible amount of emotional energy, and so of course you would feel tired. You are doing a lot of hard work. And, just because you desire a break, just because you desire more for yourself then just your role as mother, does not make you a bad mother, it makes you a multidimensional human. You are so much more than just your role as a mother and it is totally normal and natural for you desire more for your life then parenting. You are not a bad mom, you are a beautiful, perfect, whole, and complete person. And you are worthy and deserving of a life that feels good, brings you joy, and fills your soul! You can have both an amazing relationship with your kiddos and a life outside your immediate family. It’s not one or the other.”
Listen for that voice. She is in there. You can be aware of the judge. Thank the judge for it’s perspective and attempts to protect you, and choose to not hold onto it’s perspective as your own. There is another voice in there, allow her to come through and support you. She's your heart’s voice.
3. You define who you are by what you have been told you’re supposed to be
As women, we’ve been conditioned since we were very young that our value comes from pleasing others. Good girls are quiet, polite, helpful, listen to what they’re told, don’t complain (to name just a few). When we didn’t follow these rules we got in trouble, when we did our parents were happy with us. We were taught that to be accepted, loved, and valued we had to make sure we didn’t do anything to upset anyone, we had to make our parents like us, our teachers, like us, our peers like us.
So we morphed, we pleased, we swallowed our truth.
And, we were accepted, we were given conditional love, AND our soul withered and suffered.
As a sovereign creator of your life, you get to now decide whether you will blindly hold fast to who you were taught to be or will you bravely uncover the truth of who you really are. Will you choose to prioritize loving and honoring yourself over seeking love and acceptance from others?
When you choose to love yourself rather than seek love from others then you get to create your own rules and definitions of who you are that are in alignment with your truth, the real you.
This is another way that we get to quiet the judge in our head. When being a “good mom” isn’t defined by society’s rules, the PTA moms at the school, or who your mother was, then you get the freedom to create your own definition of what being a good mom is. A good wife. A good person. A good friend. A good employee. A good daughter. A good human.
You no longer have to completely sacrifice yourself to make others happy in order to feel worthy and deserving of love. Instead you get to love yourself and create your own ideas of who you get to be based on what feels true and honoring to your Soul.
Now, that is freedom!!!
This has been a long one… As, you can see I have a lot to say about this. I believe wholeheartedly in the power of shifting these 3 beliefs to take your power back. Why? Because it massively changed my life and I’ve seen it change the lives of my clients.
p.s. I have an exciting FREE offer coming soon that will support you in shifting 7 of the biggest blocks to your freedom. Tapping into Freedom, is a FREE 7 day journey to radical self-love, acceptance, confidence, and your freedom. CLICK HERE NOW TO SIGN UP and I'll make sure you're the first to receive it when it's available!
4 steps to getting out of your own way
It's time to get out of your way!
You want to feel happy. You want to love your life. You want to wake up feeling excited about the day ahead of you and....
You ABSOLUTELY can!
You just need to get out of your own way of being able to experience that every day.
What I mean by that is that you get to change how you perceive your life and what you focus on.
Because I guarantee that if you feel like crap and aren't loving your life it's because you've focused on all the wrong things.
And, you are living from a program that is perpetuating the same experiences, same feelings, same mind, that is creating your lack luster life!
You must upgrade your programming, you must change your energy to change your life!
So, the first thing you get to understand when desiring to create your very best life is that you are not a victim of your circumstances. Life is not happening to you!
You must first take responsibility for your life as it is right now. When you take radical responsibility for your life you start to get beyond victim consciousness.
You realize that you are the Source of your experience and you have the power to create your life! It means you are no longer going to point the finger of blame at anyone else, you are no longer going to give your power away to anything outside of you to determine how you feel, and what you get to experience.
I used to live inside a victim consciousness….I believed that only if I had an easier upbringing, if only I was smarter, if only my mom hadn’t been sick, if only my child was easier, if only my husband paid more attention to me, if only x, y, and z lined up perfectly, then I would be happier, then my life would be easier, then I could have been more successful, then I could have felt more loved. And, the list went on and on.
So, the first thing that is required is you get really honest with yourself. Are you living from a victim mentality? Do you find yourself thinking if only [blank] changed, then I would be, do, have, feel, be able to experience x, y, or z?
I invite you to ponder these questions from a place of so much self compassion, love, and honesty. No judgment or self blame...just non judgmental awareness.
Do I blame others for my life circumstances? For anything that I am experiencing or not experiencing now?
Do I ever ask, “why me?” “why is this happening again?”
Do I get lost in thoughts of fear, worry, doubt, or lack?
Do I look to others to make me feel happy?
When you can see how you are still playing victim then you get the opportunity to take radical responsibility for your life and yourself. And, when you do you draw your energy and power back to yourself.
When you take ownership for your life and how you feel then you understand that you and only you have the power to change it!
That you have the ability to change your life by changing your thoughts, perceptions, feelings, and behavior to create a new reality.
I came across a quote a while back that said, “You can't become what you want by remaining what you are.”
This is absolutely true! When we’re living in victim consciousness or just living unconsciously, we are basically living on auto-pilot based on the programming of our past. Your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and behaviors have become completely habitual. And, the programming that is running you is based on old stories, memories, and experiences, which affect the decisions you make now and how you see and interact with the world.
So, to truly create your best life and a new reality for yourself you get to transcend your old ways of being, thinking, acting, and feeling in order to have a new experience. You can’t be the same person you are now, running the same stories and habitual ways of being and expect something new to happen.
Isn’t it awesome!
You have the power to create something different!
And, so I want to share a few key things you can do right now to take radical responsibility and start changing your life now.
Get clear on your vision
This can be easy. It's usually the opposite of what you don't want. If you know what you don't want then it supports you in getting clarity on what you DO want. What do you want and how do you want to feel?
It’s so important for you to have clarity on where you are now and where you desire to be. When we have clarity of where we are and what we want, it allows us to gain focus, we’re no longer meandering through life or just “going with the flow.” We focus, and when we focus we can start to take inspired and intentional action towards where we want to go.
So, write in your journal exactly where you most desire to be in these four areas of your life. What do you really want?
Relationship to Self
Relationship to Others
Health
Career/Finances
Do this exercise with complete openness. Let go of all limitations, doubts, fears, resistance, and allow yourself to just play in possibility. What is the best of the best scenario in all of these areas of your life? Write it all out!
Notice Where You’re At Now
Now, notice where you are now compared to where you desire to be. Start to get curious about why you aren’t where you want to be. What are your biggest struggles in each of these areas? How do you feel in each of these areas? Your biggest struggles shows you what your beliefs and stories are in each of these areas. Your current reality shows you what your programming is because your outside circumstances are a reflection of your internal state.
This is where you get to dive a bit deeper.
What stories have you been telling yourself that aren’t supporting you?
Marianne Williamson says, “the stories we tell ourselves are the experiences we live.”
The stories we tell ourselves are the experiences we live because our brain will continue to find evidence to prove that story true. So, our reality becomes the playbook of these stories. Whether the story you are telling yourself is that no one supports you, there are no good men left, you are just unlucky, bad stuff always happens to you, you’re not important, that will be your experience because you are viewing the world through that lens.
You have to uncover the stories in order to create new ones!
So, list out your top 3 struggles in each of these areas. How is your current reality showing you what you must believe or the stories you must be telling yourself that are keeping you from creating what you actually desire.
For example, if your vision is to have a happy, healthy marriage, but in your current circumstances you feel distance in your relationship, resentful of your partner’s behavior, and wish he really saw you and got you, then this is a perfect reflection of your current beliefs and stories about marriage.
Maybe some of your stories/beliefs are:
“Marriages are hard”
“I’m not worthy of being seen or heard in my relationships”
“It’s not safe to be seen and heard in relationships”
“It’s his fault, if only he would change x, y, z, then our marriage would be better”
Get really clear on what your biggest beliefs/struggles in each of these four areas are. Once you know what they are you can begin to create new empowering stories for yourself. You can change your mind and your reality will change.
Create New Empowering Stories
Now, you get to create new empowering stories and beliefs that support the vision that you want to create.
So, from the above example, your new beliefs may be:
“My marriage gets to be an amazing adventure that's getting stronger and better every day!”
“I am worthy of being seen and heard in my relationships”
“I am safe to be and show all of me”
“I am responsible for how I want to feel and what I allow into my life, so I get to create whatever I want, and I choose.....”
Make sure that when you create your new beliefs that they feel good in your body and keep them positive and in the present tense. Then they get to become your new mantra. Say them all day long. Put them as your phone background. Put them on post-its around your house. Print them out and read them aloud every morning in front of the mirror. Allow them to become your new truth by repetition.
Start taking Inspired Action
Once, you've created new stories you can start to take action in a way that moves you towards your vision. What is 1 thing you can start doing in each area of your life right now to help you move closer to what you want to create? It's little things that add up to big transformations.
List 1 action for each area of your life that you are committing to working on right now.
Remember, “you can't become what you want by remaining what you are.” So, you'll have to start thinking, feeling, and acting different to create a new reality.
I'd love to hear what you're choosing to work on and what new stories you're adopting and actions you're going to take! Just reply below and share with me or if you want help workshopping your new beliefs or what actions you can take, I'd love to help with that too!
with so much love,
Shaina
When you're ready here's a few amazing ways to get supported by me and create your best life NOW...
1. Get coached by me through my signature 3 month program, Her Life Reclaimed. Click here to connect and explore what's possible when you choose you and take radical responsibility for creating your best life now and stepping into your next level self! Learn more about the program here.
2. Join the Facebook Group, Self-Love~Mindset~Manifestation, for live teachings, tons of support, and a community of awesome like-minded women.
3. Follow me on Instagram for weekly manifestation tips, inspiration, and a whole lotta love!
This Is How Your Life Becomes Awesome
No matter what your reality looks like right now, a job you hate, a mean boss, a partner who doesn't see or appreciate you, tons of self-doubt, tons of fear, whatever it is, it doesn't have to remain your reality.
That's right you're not a victim to your circumstances. This took me a long time to realize. It actually was so outside my realm of awareness for most of my life. I just assumed that I had to settle for the life I was dealt and I should just appreciate it and make the best of it. Which ended up making me feel totally unfulfilled, helpless to make any changes in my life, and continuing to search for happiness and contentment outside of myself.
Most of my life, I had been operating from a state of total anxiety, self-doubt, and fear. I had and anxiety and panic attacks that lead me to have 3 EKG's over several years (I was sure something was wrong with my heart), and at one point a total breakdown. I feared everything. I was afraid people didn't like me. I was afraid I wasn't good enough at my job at anything. I was afraid of airplanes (I didn't fly for 8 years). I afraid of any type of risk, preferring safety and security over happiness and fulfillment. I deeply feared that people would judge me or reject me, so I conformed, I "fit in" rather then honored or explored my own uniqueness and authentic expression of me. Because of my history, I always feared that if people really got to know me then they would find out I was damaged good, I felt so ashamed of my past. Deep down I didn't feel loveable or worthy, so I strived desperately to be accepted by always putting everyone else first, avoiding conflict, and people pleasing up the wazoo, totally losing myself in the process. I was living so small. I was living in the shadows. I was comfortable, but not happy.
And, I didn't know there was another way to live. I didn't know I had the power to change it all. I was fully in victim consciousness.
Then through my process of awakening, I found out that I actually did have the power to change my circumstances. That I was responsible for my reality and I had complete control over how I chose to perceive my life. I had the ability to change my vibration and energy. I had the ability to change my thoughts. Well, that was exciting! Could it be true? It was definitely worth exploring and finding out! Yes, Yes, it absolutely does work! It works amazingly!! My life has changed dramatically in the most amazing ways. I'm happy to say that I no longer live with any anxiety. I now love myself so deeply and speak up about my needs, desires, wants, and I am met with support and honor. My relationship with my husband has totally transformed. My husband totally transformed, as he saw my growth and expansion and how happy and good I felt, it gave him permission to honor himself and take responsibility for his life. He is now so happy and our relationship is much deeper, more connected, and feels amazing. I have attracted in the most amazing, soul-aligned friends, and the friends I already had have become even better. And, through believing in myself and taking a huge risk I left my job and pursued my passion and purpose in life becoming a coach and supporting women in doing this most amazing and liberating work! I went from pretty debilitating anxiety, complete lack of self-love and worth, tons of fear to freedom, passion, purpose, joy, confidence, and so much love!!!
And, it all started by taking radical responsibility. Nobody but you has the power to free you. Nobody but you is in your head choosing your perceptions, choosing your thoughts, how you feel, how you act, or the decisions you make.
You are not a victim of your life! Isn't that awesome? I know this because my life completely changed when I took full responsibility for it.
That's the pre-step... realizing that you're not a victim and that you always have a choice of how you're living your life. That doesn't mean that you have complete control over everything that happens, but you do have complete control over how you respond; your perceptions, thoughts, beliefs, emotions, decisions, and actions.
And, you have more control then you may realize about what shows up or doesn't show up in your life. Your vibration attracts to you that which you're a match too. So, if you're vibrating with a ton of fear, self-doubt, anxiety, and lack of self-love then you're going to attract in more experiences that create those same feelings. And, no shame or self-judgment here, it's all good if that's where you are.... this gets to be your beautiful opportunity to learn a new way. It took me 30 years to figure it out! It's never too late and it's so worth it!
So, without further ado.....
Your 3 Steps to Going from Victim to Creator
1. Be Love
I know, I know....that sounds corny, right? Cliché even. But, embodying a vibration of love is so powerful! It's a total game changer. When you start to embody love as your frequency, as your way of being and operating in the world, everything in your world changes. It starts with a deep self love (check out this video to learn a powerful tool to cultivate self-love). And then you can choose to send that love out~~ send love to the boss who is mean, the partner that doesn't see you. Send love to that part of you that feels all that fear and self-doubt, that part of you is really just your inner child crying out for attention, support, and love. Send love out to all of the people, the situations, the events, and the circumstances of your life. Send love to all of it! The more love you feel and the more love you send out the more magnificent and magical your life becomes. Your external world is a reflection of your internal state. Make embodying love your primary state of being and your world will reflect that shift! I am proof that choosing love works, my relationships have shifted in totally surprising and unexpected ways (positively), I've experienced so many synchronicities and awesome magic entering my life because I've chosen to embody and spread the love. And, I just feel so good!
2. Shift Your Focus
Instead of focusing on all that you dislike about your life. Let's take the mean boss for example.... allowing yourself to get stressed out and angry before you even encounter them in the morning. Or, worrying about what other people are thinking of you and playing out in your head over and over again if whether what you had said sounded stupid, did you come off as too much, too opinionated, too different, and you just know they are totally judging you. We tend to way over focus on all our problems, ruminating on all our worries, fears, doubts, etc... which only attracts more of that same energy and experiences into your life. Imagine what would happen if you started to shift your focus? What if you focused on all the areas of your job that you did like (there is always something)? What if you started to spend more time imagining and thinking about the kind of boss you would love to work for? What if instead of berating and judging yourself for whatever you think you may have done wrong you loved yourself instead, you forgave yourself your mistakes, you treated yourself like you would your best friend or your own children? What you focus on grows, so if you choose to shift your focus on all that you have to appreciate about your life, all that you are grateful for, all that you do want (rather then all that you don't), and be and spread love... BOOM! Your life is going to explode in goodness.
3. Get Into The Feeling
How you feel is everything. Most people spend so much of their life unconsciously sitting in feelings of resentment, stress, anxiety, and fear. These feelings underlie all of their decisions, thoughts, actions, and beliefs. And, in moments of joy or gratitude they experience it only briefly before falling back into the baseline state of stress, anxiety, and fear. When you start to intentionally and consciously shift your focus into gratitude, appreciation, joy, love, it's so important to really allow yourself to feel it. Use your breath, use your imagination to expand these feelings of appreciation, joy, and love. Imagine all that you do desires, see it in your mind's eye with so much detail and really feel what that would be like. Experience the feelings now as if it's already true. And, breath it in. Breath deeply as you intentional expand those amazing feelings, allowing them to fully consume you and radiate out of your body. Do this for 5-10 minutes a morning right when you wake up and it will completely shift your vibration. And, then continue to find reasons all throughout your day to feel good, to cultivate appreciation, gratitude, and joy.
There you have it, {{ subscriber.first_name }}! 3 really powerful ways to start creating your life on purpose! You can have, be, do, and experience anything that you desire. And, the more you practice these 3 tools of embodying love, shifting your focus, and changing your feeling state, the more awesome your life will become. It all starts with taking radical responsibility for your life and understanding that you have the ability and power to change it! You're that incredible!
Want to take this a step further?? On Thursday, July 9th, at 7pm pst, I'm hosting a virtual workshop, Create Your Best Life Now! I'm going to go much deeper, supporting you in getting really clear on where you are, and where you want to go, and how to get there! It's going to be fun, deep, and inspirational. Here's the link to learn more and register!
Hope to see you there!
with love,
Shaina
When you're ready here's a few amazing ways to get supported by me and create your best life NOW...
1. Get coached by me through my signature 3 month program, Her Life Reclaimed. Click here to connect and explore what's possible when you choose you and take radical responsibility for creating your best life now and stepping into your next level self!
2. Join the Facebook Group, Woman Rising, for live teachings, tons of support, and a community of awesome like-minded women.
3. GRAB YOUR COPY OF THE TOP 10 TIPS TO CREATING YOUR BEST LIFE, HERE.
4. Follow me on Instagram for weekly manifestation tips, inspiration, and a whole lotta love!
Your Focus May Be the Problem
I've gotta be real with you, over the past month or so, I’ve been really out of alignment. Our world has been going through significant, important changes which I have been working to figure out my role in being a part of the change that is occurring, and dealing with my own personal frustrations too.
I've felt sad, frustrated, irritable, impatient, and discontent. And, the state of our world is definitely a part of that (mostly the grief part), but this email is speaking to what has been going on personally. Because as the world is changing in big and hopeful ways, that we get to be a part of the solution, we also have our own personal lives that may need attention as well.
This may be more relevant to you if you're a parent, but the underlying message will hit home regardless. For the past month or so, I've been feeling so frustrated by the circumstances of my life as they have been. I was frustrated that my daughter had been home from school, that I had to be a home school teacher and will continue to be when 3rd grade starts, instead of being able to focus on my business, and being of service in a way that really fills my heart!!! And, I've felt super guilty for wishing my daughter was at school instead of home with me. I've been scattered all over the place trying to be with her, attempting to sneak away whenever I could to get some space, and to work on creating all that has been building and expanding within me.
I've had to be very intentional over the past month of surrendering to what is. Surrendering to the circumstances that are before me now, trusting that everything is in perfect, divine timing. I've had to keep coming back to my heart, back to my intention, which is to always be the embodiment of unconditional love, support, and acceptance. To be the light. Because, I'm very aware that if I'm feeling resentment towards having to be with my daughter, if I'm not wanting to be with her, if I'm discontent with the fact that she's home, you better believe she feels that. Our energy is that powerful. And, I never want my daughter to feel unwanted, unloved, or like a burden.
So, I keep getting to choose to shift my perspective. To find all the reasons (and there are so many) that I'm so appreciative to have this time with her. She's such an amazing teacher of full self expression, of joy, of play, of so much goodness. I keep getting to choose to surrender to what is, instead of fighting against it.
The more we fight against anything, the more energy we bring to it, thus attracting more of the same.
If I want to experience more time freedom, if I want to have more space for myself and the things I want to do, then I get to stop fighting against what is. Instead, I get to focus on what I want. I get to appreciate what I have. I get to create the space and the freedom while also thoroughly enjoying and being present for my daughter when we are together.
So, my beautiful friend, if you've found yourself fighting against anything in your life right now. If you've found yourself focused on your problems, rather then what you want, then let me lovingly remind you that it will only create more of what you don't want.
To truly change your reality, to create the life you DO want, it's important that you appreciate your now. The more you can focus on what is good in your life, the more you can focus on the all areas that make you feel gratitude, joy, love, appreciation, the more you will raise your vibration, and create the change you want. But, you can't create the change you are looking for by focusing on the problem, on what you don't want. Because it's all about your energy, it's all about how you feel, and if you're focused on the problem and all that isn't working then you are guaranteed to be in a low vibration. You are guaranteed to be feeling all the low vibe emotions of frustration, resentment, blame, anger, impatience, etc. and from that resonance you can only attract in things that match those low vibes.
But, when you start to focus on the solution. When you start to focus on what you do want. When you turn your attention and awareness to what feels good, what you are grateful and appreciative for, what makes you feel joyful, and happy, then you are automatically raising your vibration. And, from that state of elevated frequency, you will attract things that match that vibration. You will begin to create more of what you do want.
The concept is so simple, but in real life, it's a practice.
When you find yourself focused on your problems say, "thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you for this awareness so that I may choose again." Give yourself so much love and compassion for being all of you in your humanness and choose again.
Begin to ask yourself
How can I surrender even more to what is right now?
If I know I am the Source of my experience, then what can I now turn my attention to in my life right now that feels good? That will bring me more joy, that I appreciate and feel grateful for?
How can I see the gift in the now? The opportunity for growth, learning, expansion?
How can I bring unconditional love, support, and acceptance to me and my life right now?
What is it that I do want?
How can I shift my perception and beliefs to reaffirm what I do want?
What actions can I take right now towards what I want?
You always have a chose of how you feel, what you think, and how you respond to life. You are the Source of your experience. And, you get to create your most magnificent life! Are you focused on problems or the solutions? Are you focused on what you don't like about your life or on what you want? Are you stuck in the same old patterns of thinking and habits that are creating the same old life or are you taking inspired action towards the life you want?
Every new moment is a chance to choose again. Every moment is a chance to move towards your best life!
I'm over here remembering, recommitting to my intention and how I choose to live, and jumping back on track to my most magnificent life!
so much love to you,
Shaina
p.s. GRAB YOUR COPY OF THE TOP 10 TIPS TO CREATING YOUR BEST LIFE, HERE
The journey from surviving to thriving
I was remembering recently how much my life has changed over the past few years. I was remembering how only 5 years ago I felt so lost. I felt like I had completely disappeared from my own life, like my life wasn't about me at all. I was just going through the motions, settling for a "good enough" life while feeling totally unfulfilled and like a deep part of myself was missing. I certainly wasn't really happy, although I of course had moments of happiness, I hadn't experienced true joy, deep internal joy for A LONG time. I was desperately searching for my purpose, for more meaning, for answers of what was going to "fix" me or make me feel better. And, I was so afraid I would never find it. That I would always be living a "just okay" life, but with that feeling that something was missing, that my life was supposed to be so much bigger, and with a deep aching in my heart.
What I didn't know then, but I learned through this beautiful spiritual/Soul journey I have been on was that that aching in my heart was my Soul calling to me. My highest Soul self was calling to be seen, to be witnessed, wanting to be heard, wanting to be remembered.
She was urging me to come home. To remember my truth. To remember who I really was. Remember my own divine power and intelligence that lives within me.
This beautiful journey back to myself is how I got to experience deep, lasting joy again.
Connecting to Source and my own light brought me meaning.
Remembering that I am NOT a victim to my circumstances, but actually the divine, infinite co-creator of my life, returned me to my power.
Loving myself, remembering my inherent worthiness, and continuing to tune inwards rather then outwards, allowed me to reconnect to my own inner knowing and intuition.
And, what I have come to understand to be true is that our purpose in this life is to embody love. To remember our own divinity, to reconnect to Source and Divine Consciousness that lives within us and all around us, always supporting us and guiding us towards our highest good.
Our purpose is to be the light, to embody love, and to help heal the collective by first healing and loving ourselves.
What is more meaningful and purposeful then that?
Before I embarked on this path, I was basically a walking head. Constantly overthinking, worrying, future tripping, doing what I was told, what I thought I was supposed to do, following all the rules, and I was empty, a shadow self, a sheep.
Through this beautiful journey I've come back into my body. I've opened my heart. I've nurtured a relationship to Self, to my Soul, to Source.
And, when I started to honor me, my desires, my wants, me needs, my happiness, that's when I began to come back to life.
When I I dove even deeper into the mindset work, energy work, deconstructing old programming and conditioning, releasing the stuck emotions and energy from my past, reconnecting to my truth and authenticity, and my own divine nature, that's when I began to thrive!
When I began to listen to and trust my own inner knowing, my intuition, my Soul wisdom, instead of what everyone else told me was right, true, responsible, attractive, the way it "should" be, my life became my own again.
I feel so much gratitude, joy, love, more confidence, more inner trust, strength, power, connection. I feel alive again! And, my life has far surpassed what I thought was ever possible for me!
That is the beauty of this work. That is the beauty of remembrance and coming home to yourself.
If this resonates with you and you are feeling the call to rise up, if you are feeling the call of coming home to yourself, to releasing the fear, self-doubt, and smallness so that you can step into your next level self, your Soul self, and create a life you absolutely love, then I am here for you.
That is why I created Her Life Reclaimed, my signature 1:1 program, to teach what I have done to transform my life. It is an amazing program and I am so thrilled and honor to work with amazing women who are ready and motivated to up-level their life in the most beautiful and impactful way! Just reply to this email for more information on Her Life Reclaimed, if you're interested!
And, you can jump start your journey right now by grabbing your free copy of the TOP 10 TIPS TO RECLAIM YOUR LIFE, HERE.
with so much love and light,
Shaina