9 ways you might be apologizing for who you really are
As young children most of us have been taught that who we are is not okay. We’ve been conditioned that we must show up a certain way in order to be loved. To get our parents attention, to be accepted by the peer group, to feel loved... we learned to please.
We learned to change our natural state of being, our true essence in order to be accepted.
That means when we wanted to be angry, we learned to push it down, when we wanted to play, be loud, and jump off the couches, we learned to play quietly with our toys instead, when we wanted to wear our favorite ‘crazy’ outfit or dye our hair, we learned that wasn’t appropriate.
And, here’s the thing, our parents didn’t actually have to say anything outrightly negative or mean to us to internalize that something was wrong with us...
When we were told we were wrong... we heard we’re stupid.
When we were told not right now... we heard you’re not important.
When we were told to go change... we heard don’t honor yourself.
When we were told to be quiet... we heard our voice doesn’t matter.
When we were told what we were doing was “too much...” we heard we’re too much.
So, we learned very early how to adapt ourselves to get the love, acceptance, and attention we desired and required.
The problem is that most of us haven’t unlearned all those rules put upon us. Deep within our subconscious we are still operating from the same belief system we developed as a child in order to survive and thrive. We were never taught to question those beliefs or to even be aware that they exist. We were never taught that as an adult we have a choice of whether we continue to operate from that faulty programming or whether we create a new reality for ourselves.
So, the majority of us continue to morph, change, adapt, and dim ourselves in an unconscious attempt to be loved and accepted.
The problem with this is that when we attempt to get love and acceptance from others outside of ourselves, we are choosing not to love and honor who we really are.
We are choosing to apologize over and over again for who we really are.
We’re not apologizing with our words, NO… we’re apologizing with our actions. We’re apologizing every time we don’t honor our truth, our voice, our desires, our uniqueness, our allness.
Have you been apologizing for who you are?
Check out these 9 ways you might unconsciously be apologizing for who you are
1. You say yes, when you really want to say no
2. You don't speak your truth because you’re afraid of being judged (your opinions, your parenting style, your diet, your spirituality, your politics, your beliefs, your past, etc…)
3. You dress in a way that you think will be accepted rather than what feels good and fun for you (hint… I’m too old to wear that, that’s too sexy, the other mom’s don’t dress like this)
4. You feel guilty for taking time for yourself
5. You don’t celebrate your wins because you don’t want to make anyone feel bad about where their at
6. You don’t share your dreams because you’re afraid what other people will think
7. You don’t ask for support because you don’t want to put anyone else out
8. You dim yourself to make others feel better
9. You choose to hide any part of your truest self, reinforcing the belief that you’re not good enough as you are, that something is wrong with you
Do any of those sound familiar? The list is hardly exhaustive, I could go on and on, but I think you can see what I mean.
So, here’s your invitation to get curious…
I invite you to pull out your journal and free write on the following questions-
~~How would I act, what would I say, who would I be, if I wasn’t afraid of being judged or rejected?
~~What parts of myself do I dislike? Why? Where did I learn that these were not okay?
~~What was I told as a little girl that I was “too much of” or “not enough of?”
The truth is that all of who you are is perfect, whole, worthy, and complete right now in this moment. And, the parts of you that you’re denying are desperately wanting to be loved and acknowledged. I think of them like little toddlers tantruming and causing a fuss inside our system because they just want to be seen, heard, witnessed, and loved.
Once you've done the journaling, I invite you to have a conversation with your little girl. All of us have a little girl inside. She’s really the one so terrified of being rejected, of being unlovable. Close your eyes, place a hand on your heart, and check in with your sweet little girl. Ask her how she’s feeling. What does she need to hear? How can you give her the love, attention, nurturing, and compassion that she (you) seeks?
This inner child exercise can be as brief as five minutes or how ever long feels good for you to take. As adults we get to parent ourselves, we get to love and honor our little girl inside, we get to learn to love and accept all of who we really are.
The you that isn’t limited by fear, that isn’t limited by the old rules of survival. The you that is 100% embodied in the unique, divine, magical spirit that she is.
It starts with de-storying all of the old beliefs and programming and choosing a new story that empowers who you really are, who you’ve always meant to be.
You’re all grown up now, you get to choose whether or not you’ll continue to be constrained by those old limitations based on fear or if you’ll give yourself the freedom to be fully expressed in your allness.
I would love to hear how these exercises go for you? What did you discover about yourself? What are you ready to shift in order to feel confident in owning who you really are? Reply to this email and let me know!
p.s. I have an exciting, new FREE offer that will support you in shifting 7 of the biggest blocks to your freedom. Tapping into Freedom, is a FREE 7 day journey to radical self-love, acceptance, confidence, and your freedom. CLICK HERE NOW TO SIGN UP and receive 7 pre-recorded tapping videos that will support you in recoding and reprograming your mind and body so that you can experience more ease, peace, love, forgiveness, and joy in your life!
#1 way to experience more joy
Let me ask you... when's the last time you really put yourself first?
I mean truly prioritized your happiness, your desires, your needs before everyone else?
And, if you have, were you able to do it without massive guilt?
I struggled with this for most of my adult life. I felt selfish if I 'asserted' my own needs. I avoided confrontation at all costs, I was the ultimate people pleaser, and worked to fit in rather then honor myself, all in a desperate attempt to be liked, loved, and accepted. And, I had a belief (as many of us have been programmed to believe) that to be accepted and to feel loved, I had to bend and flow to the needs and desires of everyone else.
This is the way so many women go through life. We have been taught to put ourselves last. To be quiet, meek, selfless, to sacrifice, to put ourselves last. We live this way until we finally hit a tipping point where we realize we have totally disappeared from our own lives. That we have morphed, bent, contorted, stretched to be everything for everyone else that we've lost ourselves.
This was where my own spiritual journey began. One day I looked in the mirror and realized that I didn't even know who I was anymore. I felt like a shell, a shadow, going through the motions of life, but not really living. I had pretty debilitating anxiety that seemed to control my life. I was parenting my young daughter, taking care of my terminally ill mother, working, and managing my household. I was in a job I hated, but had accepted as 'good enough.' My marriage was rocky. I felt like I was drowning. I was lost and their was an emptiness inside me.
And, to say the least, there was no joy.
I had no idea what brought me joy. I was desperately desiring to feel joy, happiness, fulfillment, passion, purpose in my life and I kept looking outside myself to find it. But, what I quickly learned was to truly find, cultivate, and feel true joy I had to journey back to myself.
True joy comes from within!
To experience real, lasting joy you get to claim space in your own life. You get to prioritize your own needs, your own desires, your own wants!
You get to choose you!
You get to reconnect to yourself. Create and nurture a relationship with yourself. Show yourself that you honor, value, and believe you are worthy of taking up space.
And, I'll be honest, it can be an uncomfortable process at first. Whenever you step out of your comfort zone, when you start pushing against the edges of the status quo, when you start to put yourself in the equation of your own life in a way that the people in your life aren't used to, it will likely ruffle some feathers.
That's okay! Allow the discomfort to be there. It's a necessary step in reclaiming your life. Then start to get curious. Start tuning into your own inner knowing, your own intuition, your highest Soul Self and ask, "what do I want? What would make me happy? What lights me up? What would fill me with joy?
Start making your relationship to yourself your top priority.
Start speaking up about what you want, what you need. And, start intentionally and consciously doing things every single day that fill you up, that make you happy. Start getting selfish about feeling good!
This is how you begin to create true, lasting joy... by showing yourself you believe in your own worth and love yourself. By choosing you. By beginning to believe that your happiness, your desires, your wants, your needs, matter just as much as anyone else's.
And, start to consider your wants, desires, and need every single day and when making any decisions. Before saying 'yes' to others, ask yourself, "is this honoring and loving to me? Will this bring me joy and feel good to do? Does this feel in alignment to my truth and highest self?"
So, I invite you to start getting curious. How often are you prioritizing yourself in your life? Pull out your journal and free write on these questions:
1. What would my life look life if I prioritized my own happiness?
2. What would I do differently then I am doing now?
3. How can I bring more joy into my life?
4. What do I really want?
5. What is the little voice inside of me whispering to me? What do I really desire?
6. And, what stories, resistance, or beliefs come up when I start considering prioritizing myself in my life?
Tell me where you are struggling most to take up space in your life. What stories or resistance come up for you when you think about prioritizing your own happiness?
And, download my free guide, TOP 10 TIPS TO RECLAIM YOUR LIFE to start creating your best life now!
so much love and light to you,
Shaina
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