#1 way to experience more joy

Let me ask you​... when's the last time you really put yourself first?

I mean truly prioritized your happiness, your desires, your needs before everyone else?

And, if you have, were you able to do it without massive guilt?

I struggled with this for most of my adult life.  I felt selfish if I 'asserted' my own needs.  I avoided confrontation at all costs, I was the ultimate people pleaser, and worked to fit in rather then honor myself, all in a desperate attempt to be liked, loved, and accepted.  And, I had a belief (as many of us have been programmed to believe) that to be accepted and to feel loved, I had to bend and flow to the needs and desires of everyone else.

This is the way so many women go through life.  We have been taught to put ourselves last.  To be quiet, meek, selfless, to sacrifice, to put ourselves last.  We live this way until we finally hit a tipping point where we realize we have totally disappeared from our own lives.  That we have morphed, bent, contorted, stretched to be everything for everyone else that we've lost ourselves.

This was where my own spiritual journey began.  One day I looked in the mirror and realized that I didn't even know who I was anymore.  I felt like a shell, a shadow, going through the motions of life, but not really living.  I had pretty debilitating anxiety that seemed to control my life.  I was parenting my young daughter, taking care of my terminally ill mother, working, and managing my household.  I was in a job I hated, but had accepted as 'good enough.'  My marriage was rocky. I felt like I was drowning. I was lost and their was an emptiness inside me.

And, to say the least, there was no joy.

I had no idea what brought me joy.  I was desperately desiring to feel joy, happiness, fulfillment, passion, purpose in my life and I kept looking outside myself to find it.  But, what I quickly learned was to truly find, cultivate, and feel true joy I had to journey back to myself.

True joy comes from within!

To experience real, lasting joy you get to claim space in your own life.  You get to prioritize your own needs, your own desires, your own wants! 

You get to choose you!

You get to reconnect to yourself.  Create and nurture a relationship with yourself. Show yourself that you honor, value, and believe you are worthy of taking up space. 

And, I'll be honest, it can be an uncomfortable process at first.  Whenever you step out of your comfort zone, when you start pushing against the edges of the status quo, when you start to put yourself in the equation of your own life in a way that the people in your life aren't used to, it will likely ruffle some feathers. 

That's okay! Allow the discomfort to be there. It's a necessary step in reclaiming your life.  Then start to get curious.  Start tuning into your own inner knowing, your own intuition, your highest Soul Self and ask, "what do I want? What would make me happy? What lights me up? What would fill me with joy?

Start making your relationship to yourself your top priority. 

Start speaking up about what you want, what you need. And, start intentionally and consciously doing things every single day that fill you up, that make you happy.  Start getting selfish about feeling good!

This is how you begin to create true, lasting joy... by showing yourself you believe in your own worth and love yourself. By choosing you.  By beginning to believe that your happiness, your desires, your wants, your needs, matter just as much as anyone else's. 

And, start to consider your wants, desires, and need every single day and when making any decisions.  Before saying 'yes' to others, ask yourself, "is this honoring and loving to me? Will this bring me joy and feel good to do? Does this feel in alignment to my truth and highest self?"

So, I invite you to start getting curious.  How often are you prioritizing yourself in your life? Pull out your journal and free write on these questions:

1. What would my life look life if I prioritized my own happiness?

2. What would I do differently then I am doing now?

3. How can I bring more joy into my life?

4. What do I really want?

5. What is the little voice inside of me whispering to me? What do I really desire?

6. And, what stories, resistance, or beliefs come up when I start considering prioritizing myself in my life?

Tell me where you are struggling most to take up space in your life.  What stories or resistance come up for you when you think about prioritizing your own happiness?

And, download my free guide, TOP 10 TIPS TO RECLAIM YOUR LIFE to start creating your best life now!

so much love and light to you,

Shaina

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5 Ways to Shift Your Relationship Patterns and Call in Your Tribe

I spent so many years afraid to let my real self be seen, in fact so much so, that I ended up not even knowing who the real me was anymore. I had dimmed myself, my light to the point where I didn’t even recognize myself. I desperately craved belonging and connection, but I was so afraid that if I showed up as the real me, I would be judged and rejected. And, that fear and anxiety kept me so guarded and so small that I was creating a barrier from what I truly longed for.

We have all experienced that, right? Tell me I’m not the only one! ;)

What I didn’t realize at the time was that my deep core belief of not being good enough, not loving myself and the “real” me, thinking I needed to be someone else to fit in, not allowing myself to be vulnerable and open was blocking what I truly desired which was deep, soul level connection. And, it was attracting the exact type of relationships that would reinforce my fear of rejection and judgment. I’ve had some years of friendship issues! And, it took some time for me to realize that if the same patterns of friends kept coming into my life that ended with me feeling hurt, rejected, not good enough, and overall shitty then this was more about me and what I was attracting. What parts of me continued to reinforce this pattern? What beliefs, wounds, stories did I need to heal and change to allow in friendships that fed my soul, women that truly understood me? That I felt comfortable enough to let them see the real me!

And, here is what it came down to...self love and owning who I am!

Here are 5 ways to shift your relationship patterns and call in the women who are your soul sisters ~ Your Tribe!

Get Real With Yourself

Do some deep digging. Grab your journal and a pen and ask yourself why this pattern keeps happening? What beliefs do you have that are keeping you from attracting your soul sisters? What old wounds need to be healed (Hello, 6th grade total friend group rejection and me all alone at 6th grade camp)? What old stories are you ready to let go of? It’s amazing how events from our past that we may not have thought about for a long time still play a huge roll in how we experience life now. Write down all the times in your life that this pattern has shown up and what it has caused you to believe about yourself and friendship.

Tap That Stuff Out

Once you have identified the old beliefs, wounds, and stories that are creating this pattern to continue to show up in your life start doing some tapping (EFT). Release the old stuck emotional energy so that you can move on.

Decide That From Now On It’s Going to Be Different and Ask For Help

I don’t know about you, but it got to a point where I just decided enough is enough. I was tired of this same pattern showing up. I was tired of feeling shitty in relationships and continuing to attract people into my life that reinforced my feelings of shittiness. It got to a point where I decided, I am done. I am done with this dynamic. I am ready for a shift. I am ready to call in the women, my soul tribe, my soul sisters, who are going to love and support me, who are going to understand me, who I am going to be able to connect with on a deep level. And, once I made that decision I asked for help, “Please Universe, help me to heal these old wounds and old patterns of connecting. Help me to release the people who do not make me feel good and draw in more people that do. Help me shift this. I am so ready! Show me the way! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

When I did this the universe showed up right away! I got signs, I got resources, the relationship I was most struggling with at that time I gained more clarity and understanding, and the relationship began to heal. Don’t rely only on yourself. The universe wants to support you, all you have to do it ask and be ready! I was SO ready!

Stop Caring About What other People Think

Girl, I am still working on this, but it is a must if you are going to find your tribe. You gotta be 100% you. Let your freak flag fly and let go of what anyone else thinks about it. Because here’s the deal, the people who judge you or don’t get you AREN’T YOUR PEOPLE. Let them go. Stop trying to fit into a mold, to a circle of friends, that aren’t your tribe. As soon as you start to accept, love, and show up in life as your true self, the real you, your people will find you. And, that brings me to my last point…

You Gotta Be Vulnerable

This was the hardest one for me, but it’s essential. True connection comes from vulnerability. From allowing people to see the real you, all parts of you. As Brene Brown says, “In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.” From someone who has been burned so many times being vulnerable in relationship was really hard. I was super good at showing up for other people. I could listen, hold space, see and hear them fully, but not the other way around. No thank you! But, it had been brought to my attention on more than one occasion that I don’t let people in. And, guess what, if you don’t let people in, if they don’t get to see and experience the real you, the vulnerable you, there is no true connection. So, that doesn’t mean go let it all hangout to everyone, but you’ll know the people who are deserving of your vulnerability. Your soul sisters. Your Tribe.

So, there you have it my friends. The path to true connection and belonging. Get clear on what is keeping you from experiencing it. Do the work to release it. Decide that from this point forward you are DONE with this pattern. You are moving into a different version of yourself and your life where only healthy, loving, deep connection is happening. Then let yourself be you! If you are all about fairies, and the moon, and magic then start talking about it! Let go of your fear of being judged or people not getting you. It was so incredibly liberating when I owned who I really was, what I was into, and stopped hiding the parts of myself that I was afraid people wouldn’t get. The people who didn’t get it weren’t my people! Then allow yourself to be vulnerable. Which really goes hand in hand with letting your true self be seen. It is vulnerable to show up fully and authentically, but you know what, it’s the only way to live. It’s the only way to connect deeply and find your tribe. And lastly, love yourself through it. Be kind to yourself, be compassionate to yourself, be forgiving to yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat one of your soul sisters.

You are worthy of deep connection and belonging! So go do the work and make it happen! I can tell you since doing this work I have experienced more and more women coming into my life that are on the same path as me. That I can talk openly about my spiritual journey, my beliefs, my life and they get me. It feels amazing! It is my deep desire that you too can rid your life of old relationship patterns that don't serve you and attract in your soul sisters, your tribe of women who will understand, love, and support you unconditionally. You deserve it!

So much love and light,

Shaina

p.s. Have you checked out my #manifestationmonday tip videos, yet? Each week I share short (under 10 minute) videos to help you become a powerful manifester and divine creator of your life. Watch this weeks tip here.

Ways to Stay Connected~

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