As young children most of us have been taught that who we are is not okay. We’ve been conditioned that we must show up a certain way in order to be loved. To get our parents attention, to be accepted by the peer group, to feel loved... we learned to please.
We learned to change our natural state of being, our true essence in order to be accepted.
That means when we wanted to be angry, we learned to push it down, when we wanted to play, be loud, and jump off the couches, we learned to play quietly with our toys instead, when we wanted to wear our favorite ‘crazy’ outfit or dye our hair, we learned that wasn’t appropriate.
And, here’s the thing, our parents didn’t actually have to say anything outrightly negative or mean to us to internalize that something was wrong with us...
When we were told we were wrong... we heard we’re stupid.
When we were told not right now... we heard you’re not important.
When we were told to go change... we heard don’t honor yourself.
When we were told to be quiet... we heard our voice doesn’t matter.
When we were told what we were doing was “too much...” we heard we’re too much.
So, we learned very early how to adapt ourselves to get the love, acceptance, and attention we desired and required.
The problem is that most of us haven’t unlearned all those rules put upon us. Deep within our subconscious we are still operating from the same belief system we developed as a child in order to survive and thrive. We were never taught to question those beliefs or to even be aware that they exist. We were never taught that as an adult we have a choice of whether we continue to operate from that faulty programming or whether we create a new reality for ourselves.
So, the majority of us continue to morph, change, adapt, and dim ourselves in an unconscious attempt to be loved and accepted.
The problem with this is that when we attempt to get love and acceptance from others outside of ourselves, we are choosing not to love and honor who we really are.
We are choosing to apologize over and over again for who we really are.
We’re not apologizing with our words, NO… we’re apologizing with our actions. We’re apologizing every time we don’t honor our truth, our voice, our desires, our uniqueness, our allness.
Have you been apologizing for who you are?
Check out these 9 ways you might unconsciously be apologizing for who you are
1. You say yes, when you really want to say no
2. You don't speak your truth because you’re afraid of being judged (your opinions, your parenting style, your diet, your spirituality, your politics, your beliefs, your past, etc…)
3. You dress in a way that you think will be accepted rather than what feels good and fun for you (hint… I’m too old to wear that, that’s too sexy, the other mom’s don’t dress like this)
4. You feel guilty for taking time for yourself
5. You don’t celebrate your wins because you don’t want to make anyone feel bad about where their at
6. You don’t share your dreams because you’re afraid what other people will think
7. You don’t ask for support because you don’t want to put anyone else out
8. You dim yourself to make others feel better
9. You choose to hide any part of your truest self, reinforcing the belief that you’re not good enough as you are, that something is wrong with you
Do any of those sound familiar? The list is hardly exhaustive, I could go on and on, but I think you can see what I mean.
So, here’s your invitation to get curious…
I invite you to pull out your journal and free write on the following questions-
~~How would I act, what would I say, who would I be, if I wasn’t afraid of being judged or rejected?
~~What parts of myself do I dislike? Why? Where did I learn that these were not okay?
~~What was I told as a little girl that I was “too much of” or “not enough of?”
The truth is that all of who you are is perfect, whole, worthy, and complete right now in this moment. And, the parts of you that you’re denying are desperately wanting to be loved and acknowledged. I think of them like little toddlers tantruming and causing a fuss inside our system because they just want to be seen, heard, witnessed, and loved.
Once you've done the journaling, I invite you to have a conversation with your little girl. All of us have a little girl inside. She’s really the one so terrified of being rejected, of being unlovable. Close your eyes, place a hand on your heart, and check in with your sweet little girl. Ask her how she’s feeling. What does she need to hear? How can you give her the love, attention, nurturing, and compassion that she (you) seeks?
This inner child exercise can be as brief as five minutes or how ever long feels good for you to take. As adults we get to parent ourselves, we get to love and honor our little girl inside, we get to learn to love and accept all of who we really are.
The you that isn’t limited by fear, that isn’t limited by the old rules of survival. The you that is 100% embodied in the unique, divine, magical spirit that she is.
It starts with de-storying all of the old beliefs and programming and choosing a new story that empowers who you really are, who you’ve always meant to be.
You’re all grown up now, you get to choose whether or not you’ll continue to be constrained by those old limitations based on fear or if you’ll give yourself the freedom to be fully expressed in your allness.
I would love to hear how these exercises go for you? What did you discover about yourself? What are you ready to shift in order to feel confident in owning who you really are? Reply to this email and let me know!
p.s. I have an exciting, new FREE offer that will support you in shifting 7 of the biggest blocks to your freedom. Tapping into Freedom, is a FREE 7 day journey to radical self-love, acceptance, confidence, and your freedom. CLICK HERE NOW TO SIGN UP and receive 7 pre-recorded tapping videos that will support you in recoding and reprograming your mind and body so that you can experience more ease, peace, love, forgiveness, and joy in your life!