4 steps to getting out of your own way

It's time to get out of your way!

You want to feel happy. You want to love your life. You want to wake up feeling excited about the day ahead of you and....

You ABSOLUTELY can!

You just need to get out of your own way of being able to experience that every day.

What I mean by that is that you get to change how you perceive your life and what you focus on.

Because I guarantee that if you feel like crap and aren't loving your life it's because you've focused on all the wrong things.

And, you are living from a program that is perpetuating the same experiences, same feelings, same mind, that is creating your lack luster life!

You must upgrade your programming, you must change your energy to change your life!

So, the first thing you get to understand when desiring to create your very best life is that you are not a victim of your circumstances.  Life is not happening to you!  

You must first take responsibility for your life as it is right now.  When you take radical responsibility for your life you start to get beyond victim consciousness.

You realize that you are the Source of your experience and you have the power to create your life!  It means you are no longer going to point the finger of blame at anyone else, you are no longer going to give your power away to anything outside of you to determine how you feel, and what you get to experience. 

I used to live inside a victim consciousness….I believed that only if I had an easier upbringing, if only I was smarter, if only my mom hadn’t been sick, if only my child was easier, if only my husband paid more attention to me, if only x, y, and z lined up perfectly, then I would be happier, then my life would be easier, then I could have been more successful, then I could have felt more loved.  And, the list went on and on.

So, the first thing that is required is you get really honest with yourself.  Are you living from a victim mentality?  Do you find yourself thinking if only [blank] changed, then I would be, do, have, feel, be able to experience x, y, or z?

I invite you to ponder these questions from a place of so much self compassion, love, and honesty.  No judgment or self blame...just non judgmental awareness.

Do I blame others for my life circumstances? For anything that I am experiencing or not experiencing now?

Do I ever ask, “why me?” “why is this happening again?”

Do I get lost in thoughts of fear, worry, doubt, or lack?

Do I look to others to make me feel happy?

When you can see how you are still playing victim then you get the opportunity to take radical responsibility for your life and yourself. And, when you do you draw your energy and power back to yourself. 

When you take ownership for your life and how you feel then you understand that you and only you have the power to change it!

That you have the ability to change your life by changing your thoughts, perceptions, feelings, and behavior to create a new reality.

I came across a quote a while back that said, “You can't become what you want by remaining what you are.”

This is absolutely true! When we’re living in victim consciousness or just living unconsciously, we are basically living on auto-pilot based on the programming of our past.  Your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and behaviors have become completely habitual.  And, the programming that is running you is based on old stories, memories, and experiences, which affect the decisions you make now and how you see and interact with the world.

So, to truly create your best life and a new reality for yourself you get to transcend your old ways of being, thinking, acting, and feeling in order to have a new experience.  You can’t be the same person you are now, running the same stories and habitual ways of being and expect something new to happen.

Isn’t it awesome! 

You have the power to create something different!

And, so I want to share a few key things you can do right now to take radical responsibility and start changing your life now.

​Get clear on your vision 

This can be easy. It's usually the opposite of what you don't want. If you know what you don't want then it supports you in getting clarity on what you DO want. What do you want and how do you want to feel?

It’s so important for you to have clarity on where you are now and where you desire to be.  When we have clarity of where we are and what we want, it allows us to gain focus, we’re no longer meandering through life or just “going with the flow.” We focus, and when we focus we can start to take inspired and intentional action towards where we want to go.​

So, write in your journal exactly where you most desire to be in these four areas of your life. What do you really want?​

Relationship to Self

Relationship to Others

Health

Career/Finances

Do this exercise with complete openness. Let go of all limitations, doubts, fears, resistance, and allow yourself to just play in possibility. What is the best of the best scenario in all of these areas of your life?  Write it all out!

Notice Where You’re At Now

Now, notice where you are now compared to where you desire to be. Start to get curious about why you aren’t where you want to be.  What are your biggest struggles in each of these areas? How do you feel in each of these areas? Your biggest struggles shows you what your beliefs and stories are in each of these areas. Your current reality shows you what your programming is because your outside circumstances are a reflection of your internal state.​

This is where you get to dive a bit deeper.​

What stories have you been telling yourself that aren’t supporting you?

Marianne Williamson says, “the stories we tell ourselves are the experiences we live.”

The stories we tell ourselves are the experiences we live because our brain will continue to find evidence to prove that story true. So, our reality becomes the playbook of these stories.  Whether the story you are telling yourself is that no one supports you, there are no good men left, you are just unlucky, bad stuff always happens to you, you’re not important, that will be your experience because you are viewing the world through that lens. 

You have to uncover the stories in order to create new ones!  

So, list out your top 3 struggles in each of these areas.  How is your current reality showing you what you must believe or the stories you must be telling yourself that are keeping you from creating what you actually desire.

For example,  if your vision is to have a happy, healthy marriage, but in your current circumstances you feel distance in your relationship, resentful of your partner’s behavior, and wish he really saw you and got you, then this is a perfect reflection of your current beliefs and stories about marriage.

Maybe some of your stories/beliefs are:

“Marriages are hard”

“I’m not worthy of being seen or heard in my relationships”

“It’s not safe to be seen and heard in relationships”

“It’s his fault, if only he would change x, y, z, then our marriage would be better”

Get really clear on what your biggest beliefs/struggles in each of these four areas are. Once you know what they are you can begin to create new empowering stories for yourself.  You can change your mind and your reality will change.

Create New Empowering Stories

Now, you get to create new empowering stories and beliefs that support the vision that you want to create. 

So, from the above example,  your new beliefs may be:

“My marriage gets to be an amazing adventure that's getting stronger and better every day!”

“I am worthy of being seen and heard in my relationships”

“I am safe to be and show all of me”

“I am responsible for how I want to feel and what I allow into my life, so I get to create whatever I want, and I choose.....”

Make sure that when you create your new beliefs that they feel good in your body and keep them positive and in the present tense. Then they get to become your new mantra.  Say them all day long.  Put them as your phone background. Put them on post-its around your house.  Print them out and read them aloud every morning in front of the mirror.  Allow them to become your new truth by repetition.

Start taking Inspired Action

Once, you've created new stories you can start to take action in a way that moves you towards your vision.  What is 1 thing you can start doing in each area of your life right now to help you move closer to what you want to create? It's little things that add up to big transformations.  

List 1 action for each area of your life that you are committing to working on right now.  

Remember, “you can't become what you want by remaining what you are.”​  So, you'll have to start thinking, feeling, and acting different to create a new reality.

I'd love to hear what you're choosing to work on and what new stories you're adopting and actions you're going to take! Just reply below and share with me or if you want help workshopping your new beliefs or what actions you can take, I'd love to help with that too!

with so much love,

Shaina

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I can't believe this is happening again

Have you ever said that to yourself... "why's this happening again?"

Why do I keep attracting toxic partners?

The wrong kind of person?

Mean bosses?

Friends that end up making me feel like crap?

Money that keeps going out as soon as it comes?

Why is my life always so hard?

What do I keep struggling?

Why am I so unlucky?

I SO get it because I used to think a lot of those same things too and so many more. I bet you've read all the books, listened to the podcasts, watched the Ted talks and Youtube clips. You're doing the yoga and meditation. So, why do you keep experiencing the same old things over and over again?

Here's the deal.... until you uncover the old programming and beliefs that are living underneath the surface, in your subconscious mind, and do the work to reprogram them, you will continue to see the same patterns play out again and again in your life.

No matter how many books you read, podcasts you listen to, or Ted talks you watch, nothing will change until you start to dive deep and do the work.

Well, that's not totally true.... you will probably experience a little bit of a shift. At the beginning of my journey, when I finally hit a point where I knew something had to change because I was feeling so lost, so empty, when I had completely lost myself I began to explore in earnest yoga and meditation. I began reading all the books, and following some amazing spiritual teachers, and I did experience shifts. I did start to feel a little bit better. I started to feel a little bit lighter. I began to be able to respond to my circumstance better rather then always be in reaction. I began to decrease my anxiety and stress levels. And, all of those things were so amazing and an absolute shift in the right direction. But, I was still feeling lost. My relationship to my husband was still not great. I still didn't believe or see myself ever being able to do anything other then the administrative, low level jobs I had done. I was still searching for more meaning and purpose in my life. I was still searching for a deep, lasting joy.

Want to know why?

Here's why..... (there's 2 main parts to this answer)

1.

No amount of reading, listening, and watching of spiritual truths will ever create the change you desire. You actually have to integrate and implement the teachings to see the differences. I spent a few too many years (I must confess) reading all of these books like novels, thinking, "yes, yes, this all makes sense. I totally believe this! I totally resonate with this!" And, then I would put the book down and do nothing about it. Sound familiar? If you want to experience positive shifts in your life you have to actually do the work!

2. 

Which brings me to the next point... as soon as I started doing the deep work, that's when my life began to really change. To really create changes in your life you have to start changing the subconscious beliefs that have been directing your life forever. This is the work!! And, it all starts with awareness. It all starts with paying attention to your thoughts. What are the stories that you tell yourself day in and day out? What are the beliefs that are running through your mind just below the surface all day long. 

Some of mine were, "I'm just not smart enough to be really successful. It's better to be practical and comfortable then to take risks and maybe fail. Money is hard and I've never made good money so I never will. Making friends is hard. I'm just not interesting enough or have enough to contribute to attract friends. I don't want to look stupid or be judged so I'd rather hangout in the background and not say much. If I speak up, I'll sound dumb. Life is hard. I should just be grateful for what I have. I'm selfish for wanting more. Settling is safe."

Any of those sound familiar? 

So, no wonder I was stuck in a job I hated, struggled to make friends that I felt really saw me or liked me, couldn't support myself financially, was quiet, unsatisfied, unhappy, and full of self-doubt and fear. But, when I started to look at those stories and create new empowering stories that's when my life really changed! That's when I took a huge risk and bet on me and left all the jobs and decided to be a coach (which was the best decision ever), that's when I began my self-love journey and started showing up in life as my real, authentic self and effortlessly attracted in the most amazing friends who really got me (duh, I was actually letting them see me), that's when I started to dream big and make the dreams a reality!

So, I'm willing to bet that you have your fair share of beliefs running the show of your life that are responsible for those same damn patterns showing up again an again.

If you're ready to create your best life now then I invite you to start getting really familiar with the stories or beliefs that have been steering the ship thus far. Take back your power. Let me share this really easy tip that I have all my clients do right away that will support you in uncovering these stories.

Set a timer on your phone for every hour or two. It can have a simple message like, "how am I feeling? What are my thoughts?"

And, just become the non judgmental observer. Practice noticing with so much love and compassion for yourself as you become witness to your stories. No need to add blame and judgment on top of it!

This is the first step, Awareness. You can't change what you're not aware of.

Gaining the awareness is key and once you're aware you get the awesome opportunity of releasing and creating new self-loving and empowering stories to replace those worn out ones (more on that step coming soon!). 

Let me know how this supports you. Comment below and tell what stories and beliefs are you ready to let go? ​

so much love to you,

Shaina

​p.s. I have an exciting FREE offer that will support you in shifting 7 of the biggest blocks to your freedom.

Tapping into Freedom, is a FREE 7 day journey to radical self-love, acceptance, confidence, and your freedom.

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