How I Got Rid of Anxiety For Good

[Exposed Day 8]- 15 years ago I was barely functioning.

I was in my mid-20’s, living in the Bay Area with my boyfriend, partying on the weekends with friends, and appeared to be loving life (aren’t we all so good at pretending all is good), but what so many people didn’t know was I was suffering with severe anxiety.

I mean I regularly waking up in the middle of the night in a full blown panic attack, not flying for 8 years because I was so terrified, constant chest pain, and 3 separate trips to hospitals to get EKG’s because I was sure I was dying and of courses all the tests showed nothing was wrong with me physically.

Anxiety wasn’t new to me at the time, I had had it since I was a kid, and the list above is only a very small example of how it effected my life over the years, but this was the worst it had ever been. If you have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks you know how helpless you can feel.

I had resigned to anxiety just being a part of my life. But, a few years ago, when I started to seriously embark down my spiritual path and the rediscovery of my truest, highest self something amazing happened.

My anxiety disappeared!

It wasn’t my intention to rid myself of anxiety, but it was a byproduct of taking care of myself more deeply.

Standing here at the age of 38, I can say I do not suffer from anxiety anymore. My last panic attack was in those days of my 20’s, I haven’t had chest pain or fear of dying for years, and I fly on planes now whenever without much concern.

Here are the 3 main things I did to get rid of anxiety for good

Daily Meditation

When I started meditating every day it allowed me to clear my mind, better understand the patterns of my thinking, and learn how to stay centered and grounded throughout my day. I became much better at being aware of my thoughts and guiding them in a much more supportive direction before they started spiraling out of control. Even just 10-15 minutes a day was enough to make huge shifts in my life.

Daily Yoga

I’m not overexaggerating when I say yoga changed my life. It has changed my life in so many ways, but to stay focused on the topic at hand it was profound because it was the first time I ever really connected to my body and my breath. On my mat, I focused on full, deep breathing, which calms the nervous system. I also connected deeply with my body in a way that I never had before. So much of my anxiety manifested somatically (in my body) and gaining a greater awareness and a tool that helped me be able to calm and nurture my body was transformative. Even if I only did yoga for 20 minutes a day it made all the difference for setting my body and mind up for success and out of anxiety. And, I could take that connection both to my body and my breath off the mat and into my day.

Cut Out Sugar

I initially chose to cut out sugar to relieve brain fog as I heard it can be a culprit in that, but it not only relieved the brain fog, it also had a great effect on reducing my anxiety. It’s known that the food we put in our body not only effects how we feel physically, but also how we feel emotionally and mentally. I have seen and heard this time and time again, and it was absolutely true for me. I started by reducing all sugar which meant no processed foods, low sugar fruit, no sweeteners, and obviously no desserts of any kind. I did this for about a month to really get the sugar out of my system and to get out of the habit of craving sweets (which luckily for me was never to big). I saw the level of my anxiety reduce pretty quick. After about a month, I slowly started to relax on being really strict on my sugar consumption as I wanted to see how I would feel if I added it back in a bit. Now, I can have sugar occasionally without an increase in anxiety.

I am not saying this is the cure all for everybody or that you shouldn’t see a doctor if your anxiety feels unmanageable, but I wanted to share what has worked for me. The me of 15 or even 10 years ago couldn’t imagine a life without anxiety, but after I started to regularly meditate, do yoga, and consume little sugar it has almost disappeared completely. And, when anxiety does show up now it is in a small way and I have the tools above to help relieve it before it ever gets close to feeling overwhelming and unmanageable.

So, if you are looking for a more natural way of reducing or eliminating anxiety from your life try the above 3 things in ernest and it may be just the thing that helps.

The SECRET to Letting Go of People Pleasing For Good

I am guilty of being a compulsive people pleaser.

For as long as I can remember I avoided confrontation at all cost.

I was so uncomfortable with the idea of people being upset at me. As a little kid when my mom said she was disappointed in me or my behavior I would immediately burst into tears.  

As a teen I refused to burn any bridges even when I continued to be burned (insert toxic friendships and crappy boyfriends).

As an adult the same patterns of lose boundaries and people pleasing continued.  I was a “Yes” girl even when I wanted to say no. I was a “go with the flow” girl even when it didn’t feel good.

There were a few times in the past couple of years that I experienced friends holding healthy boundaries (and not people pleasing) and it was reflected back to me that my annoyance of their unwillingness to compromise was actually just examples of healthy boundaries.  They weren’t being mean, they weren’t disregarding my feelings or needs intentionally, but they were holding healthy and strong personal boundaries for themselves. In the moments that both of those incidents were reflected back to me (very close to each other) it was like an ‘aha’ moment.  My annoyance was only because I had no boundaries and expected other people to be the same.

And what it boils down to is the real reason I was such a people pleaser was because I wanted to be liked.  I was so fearful of what others thought of me, whether or not they liked me, or wanted to be my friend. I wanted to feel validated, important, good enough, and my way of doing that was by making others happy.

People pleasing is exhausting and depleting and never actually made me feel good enough, liked, or important on a deep soul level.  It was a surface level bandaid for a much bigger wound and my soul wasn’t fooled.

But, when these types of patterns have been ingrained in you for most of your life it takes real work, awareness and determination to change them.

Here are 2 Things You MUST Do To Let Go of People Pleasing for Good:

Let Go of Your Need to Be Liked by Everyone

Because here’s the deal you will never be liked by everyone.  And there is no need to be. The energy behind people pleasing only attracts more people into your life that will take advantage of your lose boundaries.  But, when you create healthy boundaries and make your needs just as important as everyone else’s then energetically you are attracting the right people into your life that will support, love, and respect you even when you aren’t bending over backwards for them.  And, funny thing is the people that held really strong boundaries with me I came to really respect because of it. I didn’t dislike them, judge them, or take it personally. I saw them as teachers of a very important lesson. 

Start Loving Yourself Instead

When you love yourself deeply you no longer need approval and acceptance by everyone else. It’s time to create healthy boundaries that honor your needs. Before saying “yes,” ask yourself “is this honoring me? Is this supportive, kind, and respectful to me? Will this fill me up or deplete me and cause resentment?” And secondly, prioritize self-care and self-love practices by creating a powerful daily routine. For ideas on what to include in a daily routine that will make feeling good your new normal and establish a foundation of self love and worthiness check out my free guide, The 1st Step to Manifesting A Life You Love.

Why “I'm fine” doesn't really work

My friend and I were recently talking about our tendency to acknowledge when things feel hard, but to gloss over them.  To use our natural optimistic, glass half-full attitude to focus on the good things, the things we are grateful for as a way to feel better. She said she has known this stuff was lurking within her, but she is a positive person and wanted to keep her head up and focus on all the good stuff she had going for her.  She thought acknowledging it was there was enough. “Yeah, things are hard, but I’m fine.” We all do that, right? I’m fine, It’s fine. Look at all the the things I have to be grateful for, I don’t need to dwell on these hard things. I’m fine. Well, she discovered, as we all have, that glossing over the “hard stuff” and focusing on the good doesn’t make those feelings go away.  They just linger in the background. This little cloud falling you around. Which means that the good stuff, the things we are grateful for and that make us happy will always have that little cloud falling them around creating a darkness over even the stuff that lights us up. If we don’t take the time to not just acknowledge the feelings, but actually allow ourselves to feel and explore them they will continue to haunt us. We need to get curious.

Why do I feel so upset?  What feels so hard? Why do I think I am feeling this way?  Why did that circumstance impact me so deeply? What can I learn from this?

I understand the fear that if you start to pry it open a bit, if you start to get curious, the floodgates will open wide up and swallow you whole.  That had been my fear for a long time. I had been living on “I’m fine” for so long, but knowing that there was a lot of things lurking below the surface that felt so heavy.  If I start to check those things out, if I start to feel what I have been pushing down and away for so long, will it consume me completely? I know I spent years trying not to acknowledge the pain of my experiences because I thought if I let myself go there it may be so big I will get lost in it.  But, I have come to realize that by avoiding it it still consumes us, but in more subtle and covert ways. The pain won’t go away until we address it.

What we resist persists!

We need to acknowledge the difficulties, we need to make space to feel whatever is really there in that moment, but not get so caught up in it that we spiral down and get stuck in the mucky darkness. That’s why it is important to not go at it all alone, whether that be a therapist, a coach, or a friend you can trust. They can help you navigate the darker waters, holding your hand and making sure you don’t fall so deeply in that you aren’t able to come back out.

And, trust me, although it is scary, we can’t stay in the “I’m fine” mode forever. Whether or not you want it, the feelings will eventually come to the surface. And, they will continue to be a cloud looming over all your experiences until you do finally decide to shine a light into the dark recesses of your soul.

Through my experience I have found that by letting myself be in the discomfort with an open heart and really allowing whatever is there to be there, I have come out the other end feeling stronger, more empowered, and wiser.  I have shed light on my darkness. I now have a better understanding of how I got to be where I am. I have a better understanding of I why I lost faith in my worthiness, my deservedness for all that I desire. How my past has shaped the way I think and live my life now.  How our culture, our family, the media influence and program us to “be” a certain way. It is liberating when we shed light on all of this because then we get to make more conscious, intentional choices. Once we explore the darkness and become aware of our limiting core beliefs and how they manifested, we take back control.  We can make positive shifts, we can choose to see things differently now that we have more understanding of our patterns and subconscious blocks.

We get our power back! Now, that is something to be grateful for!